01.28.10 8 years ago 34 Comments

If you don’t like Groundhog Day, I’m not sure we can be friends.  That a funny movie was filmed there 17 years ago is literally the only reason to go to Pennsylvania ever, yet PETA wants to dishonor the state’s history.  They say Punxsutawney Phil is being mistreated and want him replaced with a robot.  And yet about my girlfriend they say nothing. Hypocrites.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is requesting a robotic stand-in for the furry favorite. PETA says it’s unfair to keep Phil in captivity and then subject him to huge crowds and bright lights every Feb. 2.
The animal is “being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania,” William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, said [while casually putting a cigar butt out on a baby’s head.] The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture. [NBC Philadelphia]

How does PETA know Phil hates crowds?  Groundhogs are notorious attention whores.  Still, I’d like to see them embrace this robot idea, if only to give the ceremony a modern edge.  Robot groundhog could emerge from his den, and if he sees his shadow, he becomes agitated and destroys the city with lasers from his eyes.  Don’t cry, kids, it’s only Pennsylvania, the oozing, anal fissure of the world.

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