It seems like it’s been forever since the world was all abuzz with news of Joaquin Phoenix’s Andy Kaufmanesque rap career. The last time he came up was in August, when he was reportedly spotted buying a velvet cape and rapping in a dressing room, and when the salesgirl asked what form of payment he’d be using, he “banged down a wad of cash and yelled: ‘MONEY!'” (I love that story).
ANYWAY, today’s news is that Casey Affleck has reportedly finished his documentary about it, and is shopping it around town. Drop that beat, Deadline:
I’m told that the film made its debut in a private lunchtime screening at WME headquarters last week for buyers — including Harvey Weinstein — who were sworn to secrecy. WME is selling the film, and it may only take a couple of days to reach a deal. I hear the agency and the distributors intend to keep the mock’s content under wraps for as long as they can for maximum shock value. Presumably, the film answers Hollywood’s bewilderment about whether Joaquin was serious about quitting acting — or whether he was just, well, acting.
The leaving the tags on his shirt, the falling off the stage, the putting gum under Letterman’s desk… I’m pretty sure he was acting, dudes. Then again, you might say I’m overly inclined to disbelieve people I find ridiculous, to the point of assuming they’re fictional characters. Up until a few weeks ago, I was convinced Colin Hanks was just two 8-year-olds in a trench coat.
*shoots Fozzy out of a cannon at Joua-Pheen*
JOUAQA JOUAQA JOUQA!!!
Now all they need is for Joaquin Phoenix to be relevant again.
Zach Galifinakis does not find this amusing.
I wonder if Joaquin ever considered being a spokesman for Beeswax lip balm. They probably would have given him free shit to help with his cracked lip.
Now all they need is for Casey Affleck to be relevant again.
Am I the only one who really wanted to see Letterman backhand the shit out of Joking Pheonix?
Now all they need is for hip hop to be relevant again
*squats naked over a mirror*
Ya know, Joaquins face looks a lot like my ass. It’s hairy, has some holes and a large disgusting crack.
Gilbert Gottfried just called. He said “AFFLECK!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess I should really get to work on that Tay Zonday biopic.
Joaquin’s rap career died just like his brother. Cry me a River, Joaquin!
Pardon my durst.
It’s so secret they’re keeping their hairlips sealed.
*sits on whoopee cushion*
I was trying to make a joke about calling hanks, but I failed.