Senior Editor
03.10.10 35 Comments

(Rambo bought this thermometer from John McCain. The only setting is “DEAD GOOK.”)

Ever since I moved to New York, I’ve marveled at how people here seem incapable of SHUTTING THE HELL UP DURING THE GD MOVIE.  Hell, keep talking, I’d settle for you just learning to whisper, you loud a-holes GODIHATEYOUSOMUCH!  Anyway, I’ve shushed people because I’m gangsta like that, which is why I’m thanking God I didn’t end up like this guy:

A dispute at a Lancaster, CA movie theater during a screening of “Shutter Island” ended when a man, who had complained about someone nearby talking on a cellphone, was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer.
The incident occurred two weeks ago at the Cinemark 22 theater in Lancaster, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.
The theater was packed for a 9 p.m. Saturday screening of the Martin Scorsese horror movie when the victim complained about a woman near him who was using a cellphone during the show. She and two men with her left the movie theater. Two men returned a few minutes later and stabbed the victim, said sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore.  The victim, who was not identified, was hospitalized with serious injuries. [LATimes]

Are we sure this wasn’t just a botched pick-up line?  That’s happened to me before:

Hey, girl.  Are you feeling okay?

…I’m fine. …Why?

I dunno, I just thought maybe I should take your temperature… with an ALL-BEEF THERMOMETER!

*stabs girl in neck with meat thermometer*

Crap, I think I did this wrong.

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