Senior Editor
08.12.09 116 Comments

I hope this isn’t too inside baseball for anyone, but I thought it was funny so there you go.  Back in February I posted the above picture along with a story about a guy who’d turned his van into a shrine to The Neverending Story.  I made a few jokes about rape and child molestation, because hey, it’s a van. And here at FilmDrunk, we like easy jokes as much as we like easy women.  Fast forward to last week, when the van owner’s wife, who was apparently born with a rare disease that left her unable to detect sarcasm, found her way into the comments section.  What follows is some of the finest unintentional comedy that I’ve ever witnessed.  First comment:

trishalinedm says: Listen you douchbags this is my husbands custom truck that he has had since 79 and is a piece of art. Something that us vanners take pride in something that we work hard for. You guys are just jealous because you couldn’t possibly own anything of value and have to sit on your asses all day because you have no life and rag on anything that you can just to get your kicks and in the mean time you have no idea who this person is you are trashing!! You are trashing his reputation!! Do you know that is a crime to give out false information about people unless you have information to back up your comments that you are sending out to millions of people?? Its called defremation of charachter!! I’d watch your tongues if I were you? How would you feel if you were called a child molestor?? Unless you know the person you are talking about you shouldn’t talk about anyone!! You want to rag on me too? I have a custom truck with a mural of the wizard of oz on it!! These are award winning trucks and we are just 2 out of hundreds of other custom vans out there. And we are very much regular people with ordinary lives!! So you should not speak of what you do not know of!! So get a life douchbags!!!

Ah yes, the old “You’re just jealous because I have a custom truck with The Wizard of Oz on it” argument.  Who hasn’t employed that one from time to time?  Naturally, the FilmDrunkards responded in kind…

ciara719 says: Quit defreming my caricature.

Jacktion! says: “Listen you douchbags this is my husbands custom truck that he has had since 79 and is a piece of art.”

Yes, all great artists use vans as their medium. That’s why they called him Van Gogh.  [Editor’s Note: Brilliant.]

Thankfully, trishalinedm came back.

trishalinedm says: Excuse me for my sentence fragments and my punctuation errors, as I was trying to swiftly comment on some Jackass comments left by IMMATURE Children who sit and play all day on the computer!! And CLEARLY do NOT have a life!! In fact I am pretty impressed that you could actually pick out sentence fragments or Spelling errors!! And to set the record straight I DO NOT own a civic with a giant spoiler!!! Nor am I a CHILD, I am a 30 year old woman who happens to be very opinionated towards jackass’s like yourself!! And as for your ninja sword signed by Randy Jackson, whoo hoo good for you, what do you do dress like a ninja and play with your sword and dream of something that you will NEVER BE?? BIG DEAL!! What good is it if you keep it in a box on a shelf if you don’t get out and use it? At least we are out showcasing our dreams and some of our favorite things, sharing them with all!! So all of you can Kiss my ASS and you can GTFO!!!

And once again, Jacktion! sees a hanging curve and hits it out of the park.

Jacktion! says: Wait a second, you’re 30? So you were born in the same year that your husband bought that van? Is that why you love that van so much? Because of all the “free candy” you got in it growing up?

trishalinedm says: I think all of you are really too immauture for your ages!! And really you obviously have TOO much time on your hands! And no I did not research my husbands van, looking for comments like this, a fellow vanner told us about your dumbass waste of time website and therefore I decided to make my own remarks!! And as for my screenname, don’t even start with me on that, JACKASS’S! It just goes to show that you are all classified in that low life category,in life!! So sad and pathetic!!

Burnsy says: Trish, I’m 30 also. Would you and your fat husband like to double date?

Burnsy says: Trish, when your husband dies from diabetes in the next 10 years, will you be depressed when you realize that all he left you was his worthless vans?

trishalinedm says: Ummm this just proves my point!! You have no clue who we are, and what type of people we are. If you did you would realize that my hubby is going no where for a loongg time. And will probable out live you all because you that call others fat are really hiding behind themselves for what they are, truley ugly people!! My husband is a very healthy happy person who cares for others and someone who takes care of family and is truley a loving man!! Who’s going to take care of you when you are all alone with your pathetic life?? You and you pathetic computer filled with meaningless comments? Obviously you were never loved as a child and is expressing your misery out on others cause your life sucks! And can’t stand to see happy people, be HAPPY! And johnathin brandis is dead because something did not make him happy! What a horrible thing to say to someone, again pathetic! And lack of maturity!! I really pity the people in your lives!

Donkey Hodey says: It’s amazing that I seem to know so little about you, but you claim to know so much about me. Besides, my computer isn’t filled with meaningless comments, it’s mostly filled with deviant fetish porn. The meaningless comments make up less than 5% of my disk space.

Fart Party says: What would a man have to pay to have sex with that van?

trishalinedm says: Ahhh Again all to be proven now that you are REALLY the ones that our children should be afraid of!! The true MOLESTERS are all you Perverted PIGS!!! I Pity all of you!!

Jacktion! says: Trish, I’ll make a deal with you. You continue to sit in that trailer and eat twinkies, and I’ll continue to make fun of you.

trishalinedm says: LOL!!! Make Fun all you want!! You aren’t hurting me any, you are only projecting how pathetic your life is and how you WISH you had my life!!! You can only dream to have what I have!! Instead you gaze in the computer all day and dream, and thats all you will ever do, is dream!! I have all that you will ever want, and that eats at you everyday!! And it bothers me none!! ;-)

Fek’lhr says: Trisha! Good news! The guy with the Mork and Mindy van is getting a new tape deck and said you can have his old one! QAPLAH!

trishalinedm says: Lol again pathetic! And this is why this will be my last post as I am done playing into your childish games!! I’ve said my piece!

Stone Soup says: Please hang around, Trish – I was going to share photos of my van. It’s painted with scenes from Silence of the Lambs. Well, maybe not painted, but there is a fat girl pinned behind a couch in the back.

Anyway, I don’t have much to add, I just wanted to share this with everyone given how much joy it gave me.  Jacktion! is really at his best when he’s picking on the less intelligent.

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