Senior Editor
08.29.07 15 Comments

Owen Wilson has pulled out of Tropic Thunder to concentrate on his recovery, reportedly as a result of a mutual decision between he and director Ben Stiller.  From Empire News:

Although the movie – which stars Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. as pampered actors who are forced to become real-life combatants while filming a war flick – has been shooting in Hawaii for six weeks, Wilson’s role wasn’t scheduled to start shooting for another 2-3 weeks. 

Three weeks to recover from a suicide attempt? What, did he somehow fracture a labia when he was cutting? I mean, I didn't know sand in the vagina required so much down time. (okay look, I know this may seem harsh, but when someone tries to commit suicide, you can't make 'em feel weird about it. You just gotta start treating 'em like they're one of the boys again, and that means relentless ballbusting.) 

Hey Ben Stiller, hide the sharp things, Professor von Crybaby's here!  *Girl Voice*  "Boo hoo, I'm so broody and complex; life is hard when you're just a big girl!" (seriously this is the best way to deal with it.  I had a friend try to commit suicide once, and we all just teased him mercilessly for it.  It really helped him feel normal again.  He's dead now.  I don't remember how it happened, I just remember the time after his suicide attempt being really fun.)

UPDATE: Apparently, the suicide attempt had something to do with Cocaine, Kate Hudson, and Church. Let this be a lesson to you, kids.  Jesus kills.   

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