Sly casts Bruce Willis, Jaden Smith in “Karate Expendables 2: The Derpening”

Senior Editor
08.30.10 24 Comments

Remember that warmed-over ripoff of an 80s action movie?  It’s getting a sequel!  Which one?  ALL OF THEM!  Today in the Derp Report…

Kung Fu Panda writers hired for Karate Kid sequel. Dreamworks has hired Cyrus Voris and Ethan Reiff (Kung Fu Panda) to write a sequel to the reboot of the franchise that already had four sequels. Karate Kid Version 2.02, I guess you’d call it. I sat here for 20 minutes trying to think of something to say about this, but I honestly couldn’t come up with a better punchline than the actual headline.  |HollywoodReporter|

Sly Stallone wants Bruce Willis for Expendables 2, Tweets about it. In the worst thing to happen to the Internet since your parents joined Facebook, Sly Stallone has joined Twitter.  After punching through his first three keyboards in an HGH accident, he Tweefed:

“Had dinner with Bruce Willis last night. I want him in Expendables II as a super villain. What do you think?

“I am thinking what would be the most dangerous places in the world to set the sequel?”

Dude.  The Expendables was kind of fun, but you barely had enough material for one movie.  That movie could’ve been 46 minutes long. And if you wanted to make a throwback to 80s action movies, why all the quick cuts and shaky cam and CGI blood?  Please, quit while you’re ahead.

“The hardest part of making action films is attempting to inject heart and soul.. bullets are easy, emotions are hard. LIKE LIFE ITSELF.”

THE EXISTENTIAL BUFFOON STRIKES AGAIN!  “And it was at that point that I realized, I was actually superman punching my own fear of commitment.”

For the love of God, put down the keyboard.

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