HAD YOU HEARD? MICHAEL JACKSON IS JESUS.

Senior Editor
09.14.09 23 Comments

This is the trailer for This Is It, the posthumously cobbled-together concert rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson, ‘directed’ by High School Musical‘s Kenny Ortega. Michael Jackson was a very important person, because, as this trailer reminds us, “His dreams inspired the world.” It’s true. A lot of people don’t realize, the first page of the bible says “And on Day Zero Michael Jackson had a dream about the world, and God spake unto himself, ‘Sh’t, Michael, that’s a good idea!’ Yadda yadda yadda, now we have snuggies and Easy Cheese, and sh’t is pretty awesome.”

Here’s what actually happens in the trailer: Thriller fades in. CUT TO: Michael Jackson’s first appearance, accompanied by celestial opera music.

-“There’s Michael.”
-“The man is here.”
-“We’re all here because of him. And may that continue. With him leading the way.”

Hold on, I’ve discovered the THIS IS IT OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: We took some throwaway Michael Jackson footage, edited it together with some Michael Jackson songs, farted nonsensical clichés on it, added hyperbole to taste, and now you hungry pigs have something to snack on. Mmm-mmm, this trough’s not going to empty itself, now pay me.

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