Cuba Gooding Jr. wins the Oscar for being a drunk

Senior Editor
04.22.10 11 Comments

In today’s edition of Stars Are Just Like Us, Cuba Gooding gets drunk and rambles incoherently.

Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding Jr. recently took a break from making movies like Daddy Day Camp and Norbit (Japanese title: “Mad Fat Wife”, true story) to do what many Oscar winners before him have done: give a drunken, rambling toast to a bar in Spokane.  Luckily, like herpes, TMZ was there. I took the time to transcribe his speech, because as anyone who’s ever been arrested for public intoxication and later read the police report knows, these things are much funnier when you see them written out.

“May those who love us, all over the world, love us.  May those who don’t, may God, show them, by way of their… Hey! I want y’all to pay attention!  FIREFIGHTERS!  Listen, this is serious!  May those who love us, love us!  All over the world.  May those who don’t, may God bless their hearts.  If he doesn’t bless their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we know them by the way of their limp.  That’s what’s up!  Drink it up!  And God bless the USA!”

Say what you will about his movie choices, Cuba Gooding’s Oscar speech was probably the most memorable in my lifetime — along with A-Brode making out with Halle Berry.  Granted, I love a drunk, but the kid has charisma.  And if you’re thinking it’s sad that an Oscar winner is getting drunk with the townies in Spokane on a Wednesday*, hey, at least it’s not a Barilla commercial with Dan Cortese.  So here’s to you, buddy, and may God bless rambling, excitable drunks everywhere.

*TMZ doesn’t say when this was shot, so it could’ve been the weekend, or two years ago.

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