07.02.09 10 years ago 38 Comments

One of my favorite YouTube videos of all time has to be Guido Beach, the landmark anthropological study of the douchebag and douchette in their natural habitwat.  Recently, Flubby over on KSK dug up this classic video (watch it below), a compilation of clips from the 1994 documentary Wildwood, NJ, which is basically like Guido Beach but with worse hair and stupider clothes.  Some of my favorite moments:

  • :30 mark. Big-haired brunette says, “You ask me?  Women always got a strike up on men. We got our bodies. If we keep in shape. And (pointing at vagina) we always got. that. check. to. cash.”  I imagine a guy coming up to her and being like, “Eh, oh, I’d like ta cash dat check. …WIT MY CAACK!”  *grabs crotch*
  • 2:00.  “I haven’t been in a fight for a while.”  (long wistful pause)  “‘Cause my boyfriend won’t let me fight.”
  • 2:32. “I put some girl in da hospital.  She’s still there actually.  She tried to mace me inna face.”
  • 3:40.  (same girl) “I put some girl in da hospital and she ended up dyin.  …Because she had a gun to my back, and I beat her up really bad.”

Ahh, Jersey, don’t ever change.  This should be the new New Jersey tourism video.  “New Jersey: Everyone has white trash, but ours is the greasiest.”

Around The Web