Life

2018’s Food-Based April Fools Day Pranks, Ranked By How Much We Wish They Were Real


Burger King

April Fools’ Day can be cruel for food fans everywhere. To be honest, even the most outlandish idea somebody comes up with is something we’d probably try at least once, were it real. Stop and think about what we eat today. 10 years ago, if somebody pitched, say, kale as a staple ingredient in freaking everything you’d assume they were teasing. Heck, just imagine explaining the Starbucks menu or the existence of Salt Bae to yourself without it sounding like a prank. You’d think the whole industry was stuck in an April Fools time warp — where burger burritos, nacho fries, and rainbow sandwiches reign supreme.

This April 1st saw a full buffet of pranks — from salads to cereals and wine coolers to whiskey. Most of these at least spark our curiosity, though some far more than others. So we thought we’d list them out based on which ones we’d like to actually try the most.

15) Smithfield’s Bacon Crisps

Sorry, guys, but reality beat you to this one a long, long time ago. But add some full-fat goat milk, and we can see this being a savory breakfast well worth eating.

14) Annie’s Llama Mac And Cheese

This is so plausible that frankly we’re a bit surprised this hasn’t shipped already. Llama are fuzzy, rideable, and they spit on people. That’s pretty much everything a kid wants in mascot. Hell, it’s what we want in a mascot, especially in the grocery store, where spitting on people with impunity might actually improve the experience.

13) Stonefield Kitchen’s Used Jam Collection

If you tried to justify that habanero blueberry jelly as a condiment that goes with everything, just for it to cruelly laugh at you every time you open the cupboard, this “joke” cuts to the bone. Too real, Stonefield. Just… too real.

12) Westland Distillery’s Sport Dram

God weeps to see bottles of whiskey jammed willy-nilly into ice. But that said, it’d be kinda fun to have the bottle, fill it with iced tea, and have one at the gym, just to see what happens.

11) Shake Shack’s Burger Salad

Why exactly is this just a prank? Leave out the fries unless you’re in Pittsburgh and hey, why not serve a burger salad? Some people just want protein and green veggies, guys. At least Shake Shack has used this to announce vegetarian options are in the works, but we’d like to see some follow through with the actual salad.

10) Energizer Peeps

This only gets a low ranking from us because they didn’t follow through and actually do this. Imagine arriving to get Easter candy on April Fools Day and discovering an entire row of Energizer Easter bunnies, right as a press release drops that Energizer has bought out Peeps. Maybe next year!

9) Suja’s Juice Cocktails

Guys, guys, guys, we admire your starry-eyed optimism that nobody would take this seriously, but if you really think people would think upscale wine coolers are a gag, look at how LaCroix reinvented seltzer. Also we have to admit if our choice were these or actual wine coolers, these in a minute.

These look like they’ve got actual, you know, flavor.

8) Realgood and ONE’s Pizza Protein Bar

This can’t be any worse than the pizza flavors Combos puts out, and we’ll house an entire bag of those cheese-product filled pretzel tubes. We don’t have shame. Bring on the pizza protein bar!

7) Disney’s Kale Churros

Mostly we’re just impressed nobody beat Disney to this one. You can totally imagine some chef whose entire brand is “I cannot bear for you to eat anything that doesn’t have a vegetable awkwardly shoved into it” trying to make these and eat them, forcing a smile for their TV audience. As it is, we give it a week before somebody actually tries this, and if you’re reading, let us know how it tastes.

6) Siggi’s Fermented Shark Yogurt

Skyr is something of an acquired taste, fermented shark meat is something of an acquired taste, and if nothing else, you want your fermented shark with a creamy, tangy element. This is a win.

5) White Castle’s Protein Powder

If you’ve ever had a protein shake, you have to admit a savory flavor like onions would probably be an improvement. As it is, these things are basically Nesquick for adults, so we might as well at least have some adult flavors. How about chili and garlic?

4) Chuao’s 101% Dark Chocolate

Okay, we admit we’d only bake with this because come on, beyond a certain point you’re just engaging in masochism here, but still. We’d eat it.

3) Popchips’ Unicorn Balls

They’re crispy corn snacks stuffed with frosting. Is there anything not to love in that sentence?

2) Burger King’s Chocolate Whopper

Yeah, yeah, it’s a joke, but first of all, we could easily see this made in a dessert competition show. Secondly, it’s a chocolate cake bun, a slightly melted slice of chocolate fudge, raspberry syrup, white chocolate “onions,” and candied blood orange, topped with shreds of milk chocolate and vanilla frosting. Find us a dessert lover who wouldn’t house that bad boy.

1) Banza’s Pasta Water

Banza makes chickpeas into pasta, and they jokingly pitched bottles of their “pasta water,” but that’s a real thing — called aquafaba. Chickpea water really is a versatile and useful cooking ingredient, but it’s extremely hard to find unless you crack open a can of chickpeas. If you ever really make this work, Banza, let us know.

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