Life

The Best Breakfast Foods On Earth, According To The Masses


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It’s time to rank the most important meal of the day, breakfast. This is the big one. Everyone seems to have an opinion about what’s the best at breakfast. Hell, we can barely get over our potatoes not being cut in a specific way, much less how they’re cooked (blanched then fried in lard, obvs).

You know what else we love almost as much as breakfast? Ranking every part of our lives. So this is a pretty sweet pairing.

Over at Ranker, they asked their users to pick the best part of waking up. Bacon? Smoothies? (haha, no) A nice bowl of sugary cereal? Well, the people of the internet cast 44,000 votes and these breakfast foods came up in the top ten.

One quick side note: Biscuits and gravy arrived at 37th place, while breakfast burritos landed in the 34th spot. Yet another reminder: Humanity cannot be trusted.

10. CEREAL

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This beloved classic has a lot of nostalgia packaged with tons of sugar and maybe even a prize. Or you can hit nice grains with some dried fruit to make a Muesli… if you’re boring. Magically, cereal outranked breakfast burritos by 24 spots.

9. OMELETTE

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You can’t beat a good omelette (except with even an “okay” breakfast burrito). It’s just so versatile. Chili and cheddar. Denver. Spanish. Ham and cheese. Avocado and salmon. So many options to start a solid, protein-packed day.

8. TOAST

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Most of us don’t have the time to make a full meal before work every morning. Enter toast. It’s simple. It’ll give you a carb boost to start the day. And it’s often covered in wonderful slabs of butter and dollops of yummy jam. Take a bite and remind yourself that there is no justice in this life, because breakfast burritos are way better.

7. SCRAMBLED EGGS

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No time to put together a whole omelette? Then scramble up those eggs! This is another quick and easy way to start the day with some solid protein. It would be way better if you wrapped those eggs with bacon in a fluffy flour tortilla, but geez, don’t expect the ranker voters to know that.

6. FRUIT

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Here’s another sugar heavy way to start the day. Which sounds kinda boring because it’s fruit and not, say, steak. But still, there are so many fruits out there to draw from that this is a varied, tasty, and sweet way to start your day.

Oh, who are we kidding? Sliced fruit? Over a breakfast burrito? Show us 100 people who still have their teeth and we’ll bet the farm that 98 of them want the burrito more.

5. HASH BROWNS

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Right in the middle comes one of the best sides you’ll find at an American diner. Come on, it’s hash browns. Are there even any legitimate arguments against them? They’re so crispy! So tasty! So good when wrapped up and dolloped with salsa!

4. PANCAKES

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We’re getting into carbo-load territory here. A good pancake smothered in butter and maple syrup is hard to beat on a Sunday morning. (But we can think of something to beat it.)

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3. BACON

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The internet’s love of bacon must be waning since it’s here at number three. Still, a nice, crispy piece of smokey bacon dipped in a runny egg yolk is pure bliss. Bacon is good in sweet foods, savory foods, and — you guessed it — as part of a balaced breakfast burrito.

2. WAFFLES

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More carbo-loading! Waffles are fancypants pancakes. The little divots are perfect for creating pools of butter and maple syrup to maximize soakage. Plus, they go with everything from ice cream to fried chicken. That makes them the best.

(Okay, no #TeamBurrito snark here. There’s no f*cking with waffles.)

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1. FRENCH TOAST

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This is where it all comes together. A nice piece of bread (preferably day-old challah) dipped in scrambled egg and thrown on a grill top to crisp up is a delight. You get your protein from the egg and the carbs from the bread with plenty of sweet from sugar, syrup, or (if you have to) fruit.

There we are, friends! The top ten breakfast foods on earth that aren’t breakfast burritos.

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