Breakfast sandwich conversations always make me think of Pauly Shore. When I moved to Portland, OR from Fresno, CA, I did it by throwing all of my possessions in the back of a junky 1990 Subaru station wagon and driving non-stop. It wasn’t 1990 at the time. However, my car still had a factory standard tape deck, which I was forced to rely on when the radio lost all reception through the Cascade Mountains. You know what I had in my car? A single tape. One. Pauly Shore’s two-decade old comedy album The Future of America. So, for close to six hours, I listened to the same routine over and over. It is the only part of that trip I think I will every truly remember.
Let me pause to admit there is a part of me that fears you don’t know who Pauly Shore is, but Twitter tells me differently.
For those of you in the 16 percent, it won’t make any sense for me to tell you he’s the “weasel” but he was, and there was a sound effect that went with that identity. From 1989-1995, the long haired valley boy was an MTV VJ, star of Totally Pauly, and the reason Encino Man, Son-in-Law, and Biodome were made. I appreciate him, but I also am smart enough to know I shouldn’t tell people that, even after his recent genius spin as Stephen Miller for Funny or Die.
Now, I won’t say that I still have his entire routine memorized because I refused to ever listen to that album again … until I sat down to write this. But, I do know he spends a considerable amount of time riffing on Guns n’ Roses, Love Connection and breakfast croissants. Relating the details of a backpacking trip through Europe to his audience, the lover of fresh nugs argues that it wasn’t the French who made up the croissant; it was a Jack in the Box creation. Unlike French croissants, which are “hard, crinkly fucking French bread make your teeth bleed shit,” Jack’s pastries are “soft, doughy, Wonder Bread buff croissants.” Needless to say, he is WRONG. But, he was also so passionate about it that I still think of him and his wrongness when eating the the buttery perfections that are authentic French pastries, especially when they are wrapped around other breakfast delicacies.
Rather than have Pauly Shore wax on about breakfast sandwiches 30 years after his apex of relevancy, we turned to some successful chefs. There’s a lot of cool new people involved in this post, a few old favorites, and a fantastic head shot that includes a fish. Comb through the responses, take in some gooey cheese and egg masterpieces, and then, leap into the comments to tell me about breakfast sandwiches, Jack in the Box, and Pauly Shore.
Cafe Cluny (New York, NY)
Chef Anne Thornton — Executive Chef, 33 Greenwich (New York, NY)
Cafe Cluny’s breakfast club Sandwich is served on a piece of perfectly toasted white bread with bacon, fried egg and avocado. I always order with an extra side of spicy aioli, too. And it comes with french fries … what more could you want?