Coffee Bagels Are Now On The Market And They Will Get. You. Buzzed.

If you’re the kind of person who bought several cases of Four Loko and Sparks before they removed the caffeine, then I assume you’re the kind of discerning gentleman or lady who believes that absolutely everything should be a heart attack waiting to happen. “Why stop with caffeine in coffee and soda?” You’ve often screamed at the top of your lungs while base jumping off the side of a very tall building. “Put it in my alcohol, my breakfast cereal, my lotion!!” You bellow before deploying your parachute. “And you know what? Put it in some godd*mn bagels!!”

Einstein Bros. Bagels has heard you, bro, and They. Have. Listened. Today, the company announced the launch of the “Espresso Buzz Bagel,” a bagel that contains 32 milligrams of caffeine. That’s only about a third of what you’d find in eight ounces of coffee. Luckily though, you can eat 12-37 bagels a day and easily make up the difference. AND THEN SOME.

Apparently, the caffeine in the bagel comes from espresso and coffee-cherry flour. In addition to its dark (and slightly unappetizing) color, taste tests have been pretty mixed with some tasters describing it as a “sour,” and others loving it. So who knows? Try eating it, I guess. Or snorting it you prefer. Life is short.

The caffeinated bagel rolls out along with two other new flavors, the Cherry Chia bagel and the Savory Parm bagel. For now, the bagels are only available for a limited time, so if you want one, you should rush to Einstein’s immediately (seriously, don’t even put on pants. Just gallop out your door naked and shoeless, the way you’re going to end up after eating your fill of these bagels, anyway).