We all know somebody who could use a little help in the relationship department. You know, that one friend you’ve considered nominating for The Bachelor before realizing that they’re actually sane and not a murderous sociopath. But what do you do when that person has aged out of reality TV range and into a comfortable mid-life singleness? Take out a full page newspaper ad in a town they’ve never been to of course!
On Saturday, the Coeur d’Alene Press, a daily newspaper in northwest Idaho, printed a full page ad featuring Salt Lake City businessman Baron Brooks. The 48-year-old owner of Holladay Health and Nutrition (endless supply of vitamins ladies!) is apparently looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with. But guess what? He didn’t commission the ad, his 78-year-old dad Arthur, who lives in Beverley Hills, did, and Baron had no idea! Brooks told the Spokesman Review he is embarrassed and yet he refrained from putting an end to the charade.
You think that’s embarrassing? Imagine how humiliated these sleepy babies with Cheerios stacked all over their faces must be! Dads are the worst! But also the best, go dads!
According to the ad, Brooks’ dad is looking for a woman for his son who is “between the ages of 34-38 but that can be flexible.” As if age and flexibility are mutually exclusive. With all due respect…ever heard of yoga? Her height and weight are to be proportional (wouldn’t want a lopsided Sally!) and she should have no kids, although that is flexible as well. This guy likes things bendy!
Here’s where things get strict. Women interested MUST be willing to move to Salt Lake City, because HIS work is #1. They MUST be conservative, (Hillary and Obama voters are a big no), they MUST NOT like wearing heels as Baron is only 5-foot-5 and they MUST be a stay at home mom should children factor into the equation. Sounds to us like any old lump of clay would do!
If you’re confused about the ad being printed in a city where neither father nor son live, you’re not alone. According to Brooks, his father recently vacationed in Coeur d’Alene and thoroughly enjoyed the area’s conservative politics almost as much as the thoroughbred horses he races! He will pay airfare for “seriously interested” candidates before a dinner out on the town.
We will be eagerly waiting to see how it all goes. Who knows? Maybe it will play out like the antiquated newspaper version of the Snapchat love birds. Baron sounds like an amazing, low maintenance, very not-needy guy. We can’t imagine anything but a love story worthy of internet fame.
(Via Fox News)