What were you up to on New Year’s Eve? Did you go to some fancy party with a cover charge and an open bar, possibly on a boat? Or did you keep it more low-key, sipping some champagne at midnight with some close friends and/or family? OR did you steal a Canadian truck filled with $50,000 worth of honeydew melon?
Huh? Did you, punk? WERE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GREAT CANADIAN NEW YEAR’S EVE MELON HEIST? ANSWER ME.
Hmm, not talking, I see. Maybe the facts will jog your memory. From CBC:
Police say between 4 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. ET on Thursday, someone stole a 16-metre tractor-trailer filled with honeydew melons from a parking compound.
The melons were destined for Hamilton-area grocery stores, police say.
Hamilton Police Staff Sgt. Mike Webber said Sunday it’s the first melon caper he’s heard of.
Ring a bell yet? Don’t play dumb with me. Or wait… Are you…? No, it can’t be. Are you the one behind the recent international string of food heists? The cheese heist in France. The Pennsylvania hamburger heist. The New York ice cream heist. Were these all… oh my God.
LARRY! GET INTERPOL ON THE PHONE! WE GOT HIM!