The exact moment Doug rethought his decision to become a stock photo model.
It turns out John Holmes isn’t the only one who exaggerated about length [“Points!“]. More than two years after that famous photo on Facebook which proved Subway either didn’t understand how rulers worked or were dirty, dirty liars (which, to be fair, is a very distant second in the awfulness the company has been a part of lately category), the sandwich chain has finally announced their mediocre footlong subs will now, in fact, measure in at a full 12 inches. Because no one should be cheated on mediocrity.
As reported by Business Insider:
Subway has now agreed to start requiring franchisees to measure the bread they serve to ensure that footlong subs are 12 inches in length and 6-inch subs are no less than 6 inches long, according to the settlement agreement…The restaurant chain will edit its training materials and franchisee protocols, “which had previously allowed for a small tolerance in the size of a footlong sandwich,” to require that a footlong must be at least 12 inches in length.
Subway isn’t the first restaurant that has used some “creative” interpretations of the truth in their product descriptions.
The McDonald’s quarter pounder will soon weigh a little bit more.
The Jack in the Box taco is not a taco. (Whatever the hell it is, it is delicious.)
And despite Burger King’s many assertions to the contrary, this is not food.
But Subway’s lie is so fundamentally disgusting (not unlike their microwaved chicken strips), because they have deceived us about one of America’s most basic measurements for so long. We have stuck with the Imperial System of Weights and Measures for years — despite literally everyone but the United States, Liberia, and Myanmar abandoning it — enduring a system which has all the randomness and vague inanity of witchcraft, without any of the fun of witchcraft. There has to be some payoff!
With this (legally motivated) announcement, you can now be confident the sandwich you order at Subway will be exactly as long as advertised. And with the boost of that confidence, you can hopefully start addressing the other questionable life decisions that led you to eating at Subway.
