Big Dork Doesn’t Like Big Ben

04.13.10 8 years ago 6 Comments

Amid the fallout after the determination by Ocmulgee Circuit District Attorney Fred Bright that Ben Roethlisberger would not face criminal charges relating to his alleged hanky-panky in a Georgia nightclub earlier this year is the news that Fox NFL analyst/resident hick Terry Bradshaw ain’t none too fond of Big Ben and his highfalutin’ antics.

Speaking at a golf tournament Monday, the Chrome Dome Where No One’s Home had this to say about his fellow Steelers quarterbacking brethren and the kind of hijinks Roethlisberger frequently partakes in:

“I hardly ever went a club — ever — in 14 years in Pittsburgh. Count ’em on one hand. I was petrified of the problems you can get into. And I almost got into — it’s there, believe me.

“There’s nothing greater if you’re single than to walk into a bar with beautiful women, and have them just fill your ego up. And you ask yourself, ‘Would they pay any attention to you if you weren’t, you know, who you are?’ Of course not. Because I’m not that attractive, and neither is Ben. So it’s nice that you can do that (Bradshaw flicks his arm, mimicking throwing a football).

“But he’s got to be careful. Stay out — I don’t want to give him any advice, because he’s not going to pay attention to me. […] He’s got an image problem right now. Best thing to do is don’t ever put yourself in that position again. When you’re through playing football, do whatever you want to do, but right now, stay clean. Stay out of trouble. Stay out of bars. Keep yourself clean.”

“Our relationship is not any good. When I told him to park the motorcycle, he got pissed. Alright? Then he had the accident. And since then, there’s, you know … he doesn’t like me, and I’m learning not to like him. -Shutdown Corner.

Ohhhhh, snap! Hoo boy, Big Ben, you just got served up a countrified serving of Down Home Wisdom smothered in mighty tasty helpin’ of sausage gravy! Yes, indeed, good sir!

And if Roethlisberger thinks Bradshaw was being tough on him, that is going to be nothing compared to the wrath and fury “Der Kommissar” Roger Goodell will likely unleash upon him when they meet some time this week. Goodell doesn’t have much need for layering tasty condiments like sausage gravy to soften his anger, to put it mildly. Or something. Further, I’m pretty sure Goodell couldn’t care less that Big Ben apologized “for the disappointment and negative attention I brought to my family, my teammates, coaches, the Rooneys and the NFL.” Just a hunch.

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