04.07.07 11 years ago

University of Minnesota Football Coach Tim Brewster suspended three of his players until a criminal sexual assault investigation is completed:

The players were identified by the university as Alex Daniels, listed as a 6-foot-3, 255-pound defensive end who came to the Gophers as a highly touted linebacker from Columbus, Ohio; Keith Massey, a 6-foot-1, 195-pound cornerback from Columbus; and E.J. Jones, a 5-foot-9, 185-pound running back from Edwardsville, Ill.

Rumors that E.J. Jones is funny-looking in a kind of general way, is not circumcised, and is staying with the strapping Shep Proudfoot in the Twin Cities area are unsubstantiated.  Meanwhile at Penn State this week, football players are being questioned in connection with a brawl at an off-campus apartment.  PSU Assistant Vice President Bill Mahon did not appreciate the helpful letter the apartment's residents received from "The Voice of the Penn State Student Body":

Mahon, relaying the contents of the letter, said the author asked "politely that you drop the charges" and added, "Again, I'm sorry about what happened."  "This is deplorable," he said. "Nobody should have taken this upon themselves … We all need to support the victims in every way possible."

Come on, they said they were sorry.  Plus I think the police should look elsewhere for the culprits because that writing is a bit too coherent for a Nittany Lion footballer.  Finally, Purdue Wide Receiver Selwyn Lymon was released from the hospital after being treated for stab wounds to the chest:  

Lymon was stabbed March 30 during a fight at a West Lafayette night club. Police were looking for a young woman in connection with the incident. Lymon was originally listed in critical condition after the stabbing.

Probably an enlightened discussion about the merits of the bubble-screen pass turned south. I'm sure Joe Tiller is culpable somehow. -KD

(Much gratitude to Signal to Noise.)

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