07.01.08 10 years ago 17 Comments

The Tampa Bay Rays, owners of the best record in baseball, are the darling of this baseball season, even though they rank second to last in the American League in home attendance. Their arrival has truly been signaled now that they have signature bandwagon dipshit fans to call their own. Sure to be the most prominent is the Cowbell Kid, who possesses the hair of Marge Simpson and the grammar of a Yahoo! commenter. What's with the question mark on the Red Sox Nation banner? Are you not sure that's who you want to destroy? And the quotation marks in "America's 'NEW' TEAM'"? Are those meant to be sarcastiquotes? Perhaps Rays fans are still in the incipient self-deprecating stage. And how are you the cowbell kid if you have an actual kid with you who holds the cowbell? You need to work on this fandom thing, Tampa Bay.

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