02.02.09 10 years ago 14 Comments

Patriots quarterback Matt Cassel had a rough night out in Tampa: another man peed on him.  For free?  Lucky!

The football star was in line for the bathroom at ESPN’s Tampa Bay Super Bowl bash Friday night when a drunken reveler tried to cut in front of him. “Matt told him to wait his turn and headed into the urinals,” a spy tells us. Moments later, the fella barged in and proceeded to purposefully pee directly on Cassel’s leg. After security tossed the drunk, Cassel headed back out into the crowd, wet pants and all.

Wait, so he… turned the other cheek?  He didn’t freak out and take a swing at the guy? Dammit, Matt Cassel, your responsible, even-tempered approach to adversity gets me nowhere.  Do you care nothing of my business?

Listen, pro athletes, I need you people to go ahead and beat the hell out of drunks like this.  Or stab them. Don’t do it for me.  Do it for yourselves.  If I’ve learned anything from the movies, it’s that stabbing solves everything.  Especially knife fights.

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