02.02.09 10 years ago 29 Comments

As a nation, are we still expressing shock and outrage when someone does pot?  We are?  Really?  In that case, I am shocked and outraged that Olympic hero Michael Phelps was photographed doing a bong hit last November.  I guess.  News of the World ran this photo even after “Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.”

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.  He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there…

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

In a statement released to the AP, Phelps acknowledged that it’s him in the photo and apologized for “regrettable behavior.”  If you can call getting drunk and high while chasing college ass “regrettable.”  Seems like a pretty good weekend to me.  I bet a guy like Phelps doesn’t even have to use my best pick-up line.  “Hey, does this smell like ether?’

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