07.20.07 11 years ago 32 Comments

This week an Ohio company (Ohio? Hoo boy) settled a lawsuit filed by two baseball fans who were unhappy wit their culinary experience at a Hagerstown Suns (Class A) game in 2003.

[Plaintiffs Stephen Parrotte and Brian L. Marquiss] claimed they suffered serious, permanent injuries to their mouths, throats and digestive tracts from ingesting sodium hydroxide that a Hagerstown Suns concessions worker poured from an unmarked plastic jug…

The men, who are friends, said they ordered vinegar on their fries at a home game in Municipal Stadium April 24, 2003, and instead were served fries inadvertently doused with oven cleaner.

Take that, you fucking limeys!  Who asks for vinegar on their fries?  Not Americans, that's who.  The condiments that make French fries American are ketchup, cheese, chili, and maybe bacon grease.  That's it.  Even mayonnaise is a better option, and mayonnaise is fucking disgusting.  I want to travel back in time and meet the person who invented mayonnaise and punch him in the face.  It doesn't even taste good.  It just makes food slippery.  What the hell.

Oh, anyway: the dipshits who got money for eating oven cleaner.  How, exactly, did the sodium hydroxide ruin their digestive tracts?  "Hey, do these fries taste weird to you?"  "Of course they do, we got them with fucking vinegar."  "Oh right.  I guess we should keep eating them."

(Nice find by The Big Picture.) 

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