POWER RANKINGS: TOXIC WAIST

03.20.09 9 years ago 4 Comments

The act of creating power rankings is facist, ridiculous, and totally lazy. Unless we do it. Then it’s awesome.

1. Megan Fox. Still Number One. Still uncorrupt and unbeholden.

2. Getting Drunk On Thursday Afternoon. Admit it, there’s no better time to pretend to care about college basketball that yesterday and today. Plastered at 5 PM? Yes, please.

3. Mug Shots. I call this one, I’m A Child What?

4. Playing Bethpage Black before the US Open. These guys will do it. And then probably smoke cigars or do whatever white people do.

5. The Steelers. Everybody wants in. And their most worthy opponent doesn’t want to play them in prime time.

6. The Youtube Slam Dunk Contest. This will end well.

7. Let Me Clear My Throat, starring Fraggle Rock. Relatively awesome, but still not as good as this.

8. Twitter. Just because EVERYONE wastes time on Twitter doesn’t mean that it’s not a waste of time. Or that some people still don’t know what it is. Plus we can’t scope out your hot friends with Twitter, even if you’re paying for it…or joking about paying for it.

9. Bacon. Right now I’m achin’ for bacon. No, I’m not fakin’.

10. Tubby Smith?! He lost yesterday, but he’s being courted by UVA. Mediocrity is in demand, I suppose.

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