Projectile Vomiting? Yep, Phillies Fan.

04.16.10 8 years ago 9 Comments

I don’t go to a lot of live sporting events, partly because I think society is riddled with a bunch of jagoff idiots that don’t know how to behave in public. Don’t blame the alcohol for this, either. People have been getting drunk for thousands of years and haven’t pulled the kind of foolishness that almost seems customary at games these days. That said, I find the people that go to these games and act like they’re totally surprised by it all to be even more annoying.

Captain Michael Vangelo with the Easton Police Department was off-duty when he took his 11 and 15-year-old daughters to the Phillies game Wednesday night.

“When I say disgusting, there was not only insults and vulgarities directed at us, but also beer was thrown at us,” Vangelo told CBS 3.

Vulgarities? Plural? Surely you jest, good sir.

“I actually heard the individual behind me say, ‘I’m gonna get sick’, then I couldn’t believe what I saw. He actually had his fingers down his mouth and into his throat to make himself vomit. He vomited and lurched forward and it was hitting my daughter,” Vangelo explained.

Well…yeah. During the retching phase of emesis, the abdominal muscles contract, thereby causing the body to lean forward. Of course he’s going to lurch!

The vomiting upset and scared Vangelo’s 11-year-old daughter.

“She was crying and that’s difficult to see as a dad,” Vangelo said.

Stop sheltering your children, sir. Every now and again, kids are going to get bumps and bruises. They’re going to get skinned knees. Their feelings will be hurt. Their sensibilities will be challenged. They will be doused with the puke of a total stranger at a baseball game. That’s part of life.

I just can’t stand these overprotective parents these days. They’re ruining society. It’s because of them I can’t smoke indoors or drive home drunk or shake my genitals at passersby. Way to go, other people. Thanks for ruining the world for the rest of us.

In closing, here are some videos of projectile vomiting. These vids are not for the squeamish. Come back for Weekend Picks and Power Rankings.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…last night’s marinara sauce?!

Did you need another reason to quit choir? Here you go… [ad]

Epicac for everyone! Even you, Stewie.

And no projectile vomiting discussion is complete without the pie-eating scene from Stand By Me.

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