08.27.08 10 years ago 31 Comments

Everyone knows that rape and Duke University are two great tastes that go great together.  So it should be no surprise that top soccer recruit Ashley Rape will be joining the Blue Devils this fall.  The Slanch Report says:

On the field, Rape has been a member of the Under-15, Under-16, Under-17 and Under-18 National Teams and was a selection for Sports Illustrated’s “Faces in the Crowd” this past February.

Yes, but I think the question everyone wants to know is, Who's going to date Rape?  Or send her a 40-pound box of rape?  Or take her to the rape fields?

On a serious note, that really is an unfortunate name.  Blame immigration officials at Ellis Island, who couldn't pronounce her ancestors' traditional surname, Sexualassault.

UPDATE: Well, no update at all, really. I just wanted this at the top of the page for a little bit to see what the commenters could add to the story.

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