We still have Vikings-Jets tonight, but there’s no reason we can’t run down all the other games that have been played out. We have no more undefeated teams, no more Jay Cutler (for now), and no wins for San Francisco. Join us as we haphazardly recap each NFL game from yesterday. Leave your own observations, gripes or kvetches in the comments.
Eagles 27, Niners 24. San Francisco falls to 0-5 after Kevin Kolb did his very best to suck less than Alex Smith. That was a taller chore than expected after Niners coach Mike Singletary ripped into his quarterback on the sideline, who then managed to pull his team within three points before throwing a game-ending interception. Whatever; they still suck. Yeah, I can’t wait to see San Fran on national TV two more times this season. Kill me.
Cardinals 30, Saints 20. Max Hall just stole your birthmark, Drew Brees.
Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21. Cincinnati gave up 10 points in the last 86 seconds of the game. After winning the AFC North last year, it’s nice to see the Bengals finally returning to form.
Bears 23, Panthers 6. Jay Cutler was hurt. Todd Collins started. He completed six passes to his own team, and four to his other team. And yet Carolina only managed 147 yards of total offense. If I get to play quarterback for the Bears next week, do you think they’ll let me wear No. 11? I’ll look like a human electrical outlet.
Lions 44, Rams 6. Damn, I thought St. Louis was going to be good this year.
Giants 34, Texans 10. Damn, I thought Houston was going to be good this year.
Ravens 31, Broncos 17. Ray Rice (133 rushing yds, 2 TDs) carried Baltimore yesterday, and yet bears don’t want to hang out with him.
Falcons 20, Browns 10. I started Seneca Wallace in two leagues yesterday. TWO LEAGUES. I’m sure that additional workload was what got him injured. Sorry, bro.
Colts 19, Chiefs 9. KC coach Todd Haley called for an onside kick to start the game. He also went for it on 4th and goal from the Colts’ 8. Neither of those strategic gems bore fruit. Matt Cassel’s quarterback rating: 70. Peyton’s rating? 65. And apparently Colts running back Mike Hart is still alive.
Jaguars 36, Bills 26. Josh Scobee may or may not have kicked 12 field goals to win this one. Okay, okay. Would you believe…five?
Redskins 16, Packers 13. Donovan McNabb is not dead yet. And tell me more about this Anthony Armstrong fellow.
Cardinals Chargers 27. One can only wonder how many people were stabbed at this game.