05.20.09 9 years ago 13 Comments

The only imaginable scenario where one could even consider rooting for Duke is when their being sued by one of their own douchebag alums. Andrew Giuliani, son of former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, already has his degree from Duke, and now he has a result on the lawsuit he filed against the school and the golf team in 2008–he lost. From The Smoking Gun:

In an opinion issued yesterday, Magistrate Judge Wallace W. Dixon sided with Duke in its bid for a judgment against Giuliani. A copy of Dixon’s May 19 opinion, which will now likely be adopted by a U.S. District Court judge, can be found below. Dismissing one Giuliani claim, Dixon wrote that the misplaced argument “brings to mind Carl Spackler’s analysis” from “Caddyshack”: “He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think.” Though no longer on the golf team, Giuliani graduated this month from Duke, so he’s got that going for him.

I guess the magistrate couldn’t rule “meteor,” but whatever. At least now he’ll be free to watch his dad botch another presidential campaign or two, and maybe another marriage if he’s lucky. Or that meteor might come around during the appeal. Once the lawyers get involved, I just hide under a table and wait for the shouting to stop. Just like every Christmas dinner.

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