05.12.07 11 years ago 3 Comments

Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson will be released from Cook County Jail today after serving 60 days of a 120 day sentence for a parole violation.

On April 30, the 25-year-old pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor weapons charge stemming from a Dec. 14 police raid on his Gurnee, Ill., home that found six unregistered firearms.

We all remember that, and it kind of makes sense that a guy named Tank would like guns.  Anyway, Tank will meet NFL Roger Goodell on Wednesday, and all indications are that the Bears tackle will be suspended for a few games.  I however think their conversation will be much more pleasant, maybe something like this:

    Roger Goodell: Hi Tank.  How ya doin'?  How was the Cook County slammer?

    Tank Johnson: Oh, it was bad.  Every morning they serve some wicked oatmeal.

    Roger Goodell: Can't be as bad as the cabbage roll at the Terre Haute pen.

    Johnson's Agent: Or the pepper steak at the Joliet lock-up.

    Roger  Goodell: Well, they're all pretty bad.

Goodell knows how it is.  If it wasn't for his old lady keeping tabs on him at his soul food restaurant, he'd still be raising hell on Chicago's West Side.  Also, I believe that Lance Briggs will place a call to Tank that begins: "So Tank, you're out, you're free, you're rehabilitated.  What's next, what's happenin', whatcha gonna do?  You got the money you owe me motherfucker?" -KD

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