02.11.07 11 years ago 5 Comments

Dwyane Wade rejected Tony Parker on consecutive possessions in the fourth quarter during today's Heat vs. Spurs game.  After the second block, a one-on-one situation, Parker's johnson fell to the court, he dropped to his knees and began to openly weep.  He screamed "Je suis un eunuque maintenant!" ("I am a eunuch now!") to the rafters of American Airlines Arena.  Eva Longoria, Parker's fianceé, was in attendance to witness the public castration.  Wade finished the game with 26 points, 18 in the fourth quarter to propel Miami to a 100-85 victory, as the final minutes of the game were played virtually five on four as Parker laid where had dropped, sobbing in the fetal position.

Longoria and Parker plan to marry in Paris on July 7, 2007, but now, since Parker can not consummate the marriage, there is doubt whether the fairy-tale wedding will take place at all.  A star of ABC's Desperate Housewives, Longoria has shown her proclivity for romantic trysts with low-level employees and men who do the real dirty work: such as gardeners or assistant editors of sports blogs.

She has often been overheard telling friends that she wished she could find a man whose first language was English, knew arcane baseball statitstics and was a Catholic she could take home to mother, but where can a woman find such a remarkable man? -KD  

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