‘Little Monkey Performers’

08.05.10 8 years ago 19 Comments

In a cover story for Marie Claire, Mary-Kate Olsen gave her first interview in six years. And she confirmed what everyone who might be a good parent already knows: allowing your children to grow up in Hollywood is an excellent way to screw them up.

She told U.S. Marie Claire that she and her sister were “little monkey performers” as children.

“I look at old photos of me, and I don’t feel connected to them at all,” she said. “I would never wish my upbringing on anyone… but I wouldn’t take it back for the world.”

The former child star said rather than envying her, her friends “feel sorry for us… because it’s kind of bittersweet.” [Daily Mail]

Dude, they’re TOTALLY little monkeys, even today. I’ve seen the Olsen twins in person, and they’re frail little pygmies. They’ve got these normal-sized human heads on tiny, delicate bodies. It’s like someone put wigs on a couple of the little stick-people from the Game of Life. The lesson, as always, is that we should go back in time and kill the people responsible for “Full House” before they can begin their reign of unfunny family-friendly terror.

On a side note, I think Little Monkey Performers opened for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs last summer.

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