TV Host Hired Hobo Assassins

05.17.10 8 years ago 14 Comments

In what is instantly my favorite story of the day, Juan-Carlos Cruz — a former TV chef who hosted “Calorie Commando” and “Weighing In” on the Food Network — has been arrested for solicitation to commit murder. More specifically, he tried to hire homeless people to kill for him. I know, I know: it’s almost TOO ingenious.

Santa Monica police say homeless people told the city’s homeless liason that Cruz approached them on the street and offered them money for a killing…

The 48-year-old was arrested Thursday and booked on suspicion of solicitation to commit murder. He was being held on $5 million bail. [AP via Popeater]

Man, I can appreciate how expensive it is to kill someone, especially in this economy, but I really can’t recommend outsourcing your crimes to hobos. Oh sure, if the crime you’re planning is violating an open-container law or urinating on someone’s lawn, homeless people are the way to go. But something tells me that if they were qualified assassins, they wouldn’t be sleeping on a park bench. Just a hunch.

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