To “honor” the one-year anniversary of the January 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol building, The Daily Show went above and beyond by erecting monuments to the “patriots” of the “Freedomsurrection” that fully captures their actions before and after the failed attempt to overturn the 2020 presidential election. Naturally, Donald Trump is front and center considering the whole thing was done out of loyalty to him, but The Daily Show made sure to chronicle the “bravery” of Ted Cruz, Rudy Giuliani, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and even Tucker Carlson.
You can read the full plague inscriptions below:
Donald J. Trump
No hero played a bigger part in the Freedomsurrection than President Trump himself. Though to humble to willingly relese documents detailing the full scope of his efforts to stop the tyrannical will of the the people, we do know he fought tirelessly to install turnover-friendly allies in the Justice Department, and directed officials to “just say that the election was corrupt” and “leave the rest to me.” While his efforts were not enough to keep him in the White House, his bravery on January 6 will never be forgotten, unless Republicans retake Congress and disband the committees investigating it.
Sen. Ted Cruz
When faced with danger, some men slink away to more pleasant climates. Not Cruz. In the buildup to January 6, he was a star attraction, expectorating into any convenient microphone with the courage and resolve for which Trump bestowed the nickname “Lion Ted” upon him. Cruz rallied the troops with all his natural charisma and oozing likeability. And when the Freedomsurrectionists ransacked his papers on the Senate floor, they knew where he stood, ‘He’s with us!” they told each other on video that would soon become very useful to prosecutors. “Cruz would want us to do this!”
The day the election was called for Joe Biden, Giuliani boldly made a call of his own: to Four Seasons Total Landscaping, where he held a historic press conference to declare war on the election results. This would spark a movement — and also a series of defamation lawsuits against him. On the morning of the Freedomsurrection, Giuliani told the crowd to prepare for “trial by combat.” This would later turn out to be the only kind of trial he could take part in, as his law license was soon suspended.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene
Declaring January 6 “our 1776 moment,” Greene reportedly met with organizers of the Freedomsurrection in advance to coordinate her efforts to overturn the election on the floor of the House with their slightly more boisterous attempts outside the building. With 700 of them now facing charges and Donald Trump still not president, Greene’s comparison to 1776 may have been premature, but she can still hold her head high as the Freedomsurrectionists celebrate their 1865 moment: meeting in courthouses to negotiate the terms of their surrender.
As a leader of the Rapid Revisionists, Carlson fought not on January 6 but in the weeks and months after, arguing that the Freedomsurrection was both a nonviolent expression of patriotism and also a false flag operation conducted by liberals. Armed with the resources of (but for legal purposes, no affiliation with) Fox News, Carlson produced a docuseries proving that the Freedomsurrection — which he had earlier proclaimed was made up of “solid Americans” — was, in fact, carried out jointly by long-standing allies Antifa and the FBI in order to justify purging “legacy Americans” from society.
Rep. Lauren Boebert
Boldly defying a corrupt order from the House Sergeant at Arms to stay off social media during the Freedomsurrection, Boebert flipped the safety off on her phone and blasted out a round of tweets to keep her fellow patriots outside apprised of the situation inside during that chaotic day. “We were locked in the House Chambers,” she helpfully revealed, adding, “The Speaker has been removed from the Chambers.” Did she tweet to help Freedomsurrectionists locate targets? Or was she just bored during the siege and looking for a way to pass the time? Really, why does anyone tweet when you think about it?