A fight breaks out when a husband comes home and finds his wife with another penguin. pic.twitter.com/9ejYGcJ5TJ
— Nat Geo Channel (@NatGeoChannel) November 4, 2016
Everybody loves penguins. They’re cute, chubby, they walk funny, and they look like they have on tuxedoes. All things considered, they sound like the ideal pet, but as it turns out, they’re promiscuous homewreckers who can spontaneously burst into bloody, eye-gouging fights to the death.
The National Geographic Channel gave the entire internet a treat and some nightmare fuel when it uploaded this video, including some narration of the truly VH1-reality-TV-esque backstory. Titled, Animal Fight: Homewrecking Penguin, the three-minute clip is exactly what it sounds like: the tale of a homewrecking penguin, a scorned ex, the female’s decision to choose the new guy and a fight to the near-death. It’s amazing, because apparently penguin wings can’t help them fly but they can be used like little, feathered, bats to wack each other into bloody pulps like fluffy penguin versions of The Walking Dead’s Negan and Lucille.
So, when the husband comes home to find the mother of his penguin babies shacked up with a new guy, and he does what any respectable penguin in that situation would do, he tries to peck the new guy to death. As it turns out, the new man in Mrs. Penguin’s life is quite the accomplished fighter, so he pecks back and eventually the lady bird chooses her new man. Ouch. The now ex-husband isn’t ready to give up though so he tries his luck again and OMG, HOLY SH** LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD. Yeah, it gets real, ex-husband loses again and takes the saddest penguin walk of shame ever.
Luckily for him, there are nearly 250,000 penguins in this colony, so the beaten ex will probably find companionship somewhere, but man, it’s still no fun to be on the losing end of the penguin version of a Conor McGregor and Nate Diaz-esque bloody duel.