Senior Editor
09.25.08 52 Comments

Johnny and Tim returning from the hobo yard sale

Sorry to squeeze this into one post, but at a Walt Disney Showcase in Hollywood, Johnny Depp announced that not only is he signed on for Pirates of the Carribbean 4, he’ll also play Tonto in Jerry Bruckheimer’s production of The Lone Ranger – two of the stupidest f-cking ideas in history and just the kind of thing you expect from Jerry Bruckheimer (GRR, RESERVED COWBOY JUSTICE!).  Meanwhile, Depp has also been confirmed to play the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland.

It’s well known that Depp conceived of his character in Pirates as a cross between Keith Richards and Pepe Le Pew.  Now that he has two brand new characters to invent, I thought I’d offer some possible hybrids.

– Drew Barrymore and Foghorn Leghorn
– Daffy Duck and Edward James Olmos
– Nick Cannon and Mary Worth
– Chris Robinson and the black crowes (Get it? Nevermind.)
– Marmaduke and Danny Trejo
– Elmer Fudd and Wolf from American Gladiators
– Gwyneth Paltrow and Aquaman
– Dilbert and Avril Lavigne
– Garfield and Burt Reynolds
– Wile E. Coyote and Frank Stallone
– Marilyn Monroe and The Noid
– Erin Esurance and The Hamburglar
– Judy Dench and that C-Walking Robot Football Player from Fox

Aren’t my combinations wacky?? *sigh*

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