It’s Anthony Weiner’s Birthday, Let’s Throw Him A Sausage Party

Anthony Weiner Visits His Campaign Headquarters
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"What's your number? I'll text you a photo."

The New York City tabloids’ favorite ex-politician, Anthony Weiner turns 51 years old today, and there are two possible ways to celebrate the occasion. Both are blatantly obvious, rife with puns and involve more than enough dick jokes to satisfy your daily quota.

One is to make repeated references to his two — yes, two — sexting scandals, known separately as the “Weinergate” and “Carlos Danger” affairs. The first led to Weiner’s resignation from the U.S. House of Representatives, whereas the second occurred during his failed attempt to become NYC’s next mayor in 2013. Combined with the fact that the man’s penchant for sending dick pics involves a porn star named Sydney Leather makes this route very enticing, but it’s waaaaay too easy.

So, let’s go with the second option, which focuses on Weiner’s unfortunate last name. Yes, making wiener sausage jokes at the man’s expense is too easy. From the daily rags of the New York Daily News to the elevated prose of the Washington Post, just about every major (and minor) news outlet is guilty of such nominal food crimes. That’s great for us, because it means there are plenty of food-related Anthony Weiner stories to go around for this roundup.

Rockaway Restoration Kitchen? More Like Wienerschnitzel, Am I Right!?

After angrily conceding defeat to Bill de Blasio (and everyone else) in NYC’s 2013 mayoral elections, Weiner dropped out of the news media’s spotlight because, well, nobody really cared about him anymore. If the man famous for (a) leaving office and (b) not obtaining office wasn’t in office, then what was the point? That all changed for a brief moment in 2014, however, when everyone learned about his possible involvement in a restaurant in Rockaway, Queens.

According to the Rockaway Times, the Rockaway Restoration Kitchen promised to operate “a healthy, sustainable restaurant in a hard luck community to provide training, on-the-job apprenticeship and placement in the culinary and food service sector for unemployed New Yorkers.” It actually sounded like a pretty good idea, and while Weiner’s name wasn’t officially attached to it at first, many jumped at the chance to poke some more fun at the ex-politician’s name.

As soon as the Washington Post‘s Alexandra Petri caught wind of the affair, she didn’t waste any time in cooking something up:

I will not pretend that I was above this. I think Weiner’s Franks or Weiner’s Wieners or even Weiner’s Overpublicized Loins could be a great success, if only to season a brief season. (He definitely will need to hire someone else to do the photography if he wants the menu to look appetizing, though.) Or he could always go with something ethnic. I hear “Carlos Danger’s Last Resort” is available.

It wasn’t until a few days later, mainly when all the godawful wiener sausage jokes had finally stopped, that Weiner broke his silence on Twitter:

Except for the creation of a website, which remains incomplete to this day, there’s been nothing new about either the Rockaway Restoration Kitchen or Weiner’s possible involvement in the project.

Anthony Weiner’s Weiner Mobile, Though Not Really

During Weiner’s run at the NYC mayor’s office, a faux food truck began appearing in busy, popular locations all over the city. Among other things, its badly-drawn and painted facade included the mayoral candidate’s likeness and name, as well as references to his “Carlos Danger” moniker and just about every kind of wiener sausage and hot dog the truck’s owner could think of.

Grub Street caught up with said owner, who maintained that the truck had no official ties to neither Weiner nor Weiner’s political campaign. Um, duh:

Joey Goodwin says his Anthony Weiner–themed “Weiner Mobile,” which is festooned with sexting-charcuterie puns and decorated with a caricature of the mayoral hopeful, isn’t affiliated with any campaign but is dispensing free hot dogs (purchased from a real hot-dog shop) throughout its stops on Manhattan streets.

Even so, the truck became a very popular topic of conversation on social media. Even native New Yorkers, generally averse to photo-taking tourists, couldn’t resist searching for the truck for a photo op:

Weiner v. Christie

In May, New Jersey Governor and 2016 presidential candidate Chris Christie found himself in trouble when news about his NFL-related expenses first broke. During the 2010 and 2011 regular seasons, Christie had used a state-supported debit card to pay for $82,594, billed to him by the company in charge of concessions at MetLife Stadium.

The Christie-related food and fat jokes — which are just as usual of an occurrence for him as Carlos Danger and hot dog references are for Weiner — spiked for a few days, but quickly died away. Even so, that didn’t stop the latter from entering the fray on Twitter:

As expected, everyone who took notice totally ignored Weiner’s attempt at humor and latched onto his prowess as a comedic punching bag:

They Called It A “Meat And Greet”

Towards the end of his failed attempt to become NYC’s next mayor, Weiner made a campaign stop at the original Mike’s Deli on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. The meat market and restaurant has been a staple of the area since the 1920s, when the grandfather of current owners Mike and David Greco opened up a butcher shop. It’s a Bronx institution, which is probably why Weiner thought it’d be a great place to make a stop for the press.

The stop resulted in a famous photo of Weiner holding a massive Italian sausage called “The Big Salami,” which he’d just been gifted by David Greco. In addition, the New York Daily News, who took said photo, also wrote up the event with the ever classy headline, “Anthony Weiner stages a ‘meat’ and greet in Bronx deli.” A. MEAT. AND. GREET:

He couldn’t resist.

Anthony Weiner showed off a big Italian sausage at an Arthur Ave. Deli Saturday, agreeing to pose with the ample-sized meat on a campaign stop in the Bronx.

When the Democratic mayoral hopeful walked into Mike’s Deli, owner David Greco said he whipped out the sausage right away.

“I’m not a fan, so I had to do something,” Greco told the Daily News. “But you know, he was a very good sport about it.”

Greco said Weiner’s sense of humor impressed him. “There were guys pushing salamis into his face. My people, they have no filters,” he said of his employees. “But he was cool about it.”

After reading Greco’s admission that he’s “not a fan” of Weiner, the photo in question takes on a whole new meaning. Then again, it’s hard to come to any conclusions about this when the NYDN is too busy making dick jokes.

From Sausages To Plantains

“What the hell is that?” you’re probably asking yourself right now.

That right there is an amazingly wonderful photo of Weiner reaching for two plantains duct-taped to one another, and making a weird face about it. As the mayoral election was coming to a close in September, the candidate made a final push to get his name out and win a few more New Yorkers in the process. So, he went to the annual West Indian Day Parade, and he kind of went crazy.

Yet again, the New York Daily News was there to capture Weiner’s final foray into madness, and the pictures their photographs obtained are just too damn good. Then again, they had a helluva subject to document:

Anthony Weiner did his best to be the top banana among New York’s mayoral candidates courting voters at the Dominican Day parade Sunday.

Weiner hammed it up along the Sixth Ave. parade route — and didn’t shy away from grabbing a huge plantain that a woman offered him.

The mayoral hopeful wore bright red pants — into which he had changed from a more staid dark suit worn for speeches at Brooklyn churches earlier in the day.

I mean, at least the woman didn’t hand him a giant piece of wiener sausage. Progress!

Anyways, happy birthday, Mr. Weiner.