The New York City tabloids’ favorite ex-politician, Anthony Weiner turns 51 years old today, and there are two possible ways to celebrate the occasion. Both are blatantly obvious, rife with puns and involve more than enough dick jokes to satisfy your daily quota.
One is to make repeated references to his two — yes, two — sexting scandals, known separately as the “Weinergate” and “Carlos Danger” affairs. The first led to Weiner’s resignation from the U.S. House of Representatives, whereas the second occurred during his failed attempt to become NYC’s next mayor in 2013. Combined with the fact that the man’s penchant for sending dick pics involves a porn star named Sydney Leather makes this route very enticing, but it’s waaaaay too easy.
So, let’s go with the second option, which focuses on Weiner’s unfortunate last name. Yes, making wiener sausage jokes at the man’s expense is too easy. From the daily rags of the New York Daily News to the elevated prose of the Washington Post, just about every major (and minor) news outlet is guilty of such nominal food crimes. That’s great for us, because it means there are plenty of food-related Anthony Weiner stories to go around for this roundup.
Rockaway Restoration Kitchen? More Like Wienerschnitzel, Am I Right!?
After angrily conceding defeat to Bill de Blasio (and everyone else) in NYC’s 2013 mayoral elections, Weiner dropped out of the news media’s spotlight because, well, nobody really cared about him anymore. If the man famous for (a) leaving office and (b) not obtaining office wasn’t in office, then what was the point? That all changed for a brief moment in 2014, however, when everyone learned about his possible involvement in a restaurant in Rockaway, Queens.
According to the Rockaway Times, the Rockaway Restoration Kitchen promised to operate “a healthy, sustainable restaurant in a hard luck community to provide training, on-the-job apprenticeship and placement in the culinary and food service sector for unemployed New Yorkers.” It actually sounded like a pretty good idea, and while Weiner’s name wasn’t officially attached to it at first, many jumped at the chance to poke some more fun at the ex-politician’s name.
I will not pretend that I was above this. I think Weiner’s Franks or Weiner’s Wieners or even Weiner’s Overpublicized Loins could be a great success, if only to season a brief season. (He definitely will need to hire someone else to do the photography if he wants the menu to look appetizing, though.) Or he could always go with something ethnic. I hear “Carlos Danger’s Last Resort” is available.
It wasn’t until a few days later, mainly when all the godawful wiener sausage jokes had finally stopped, that Weiner broke his silence on Twitter:
Except for the creation of a website, which remains incomplete to this day, there’s been nothing new about either the Rockaway Restoration Kitchen or Weiner’s possible involvement in the project.