When news of Whole Foods’ asparagus water blunder went viral earlier this week, everyone on the internet gave a collective eye-roll at the sheer ridiculousness of paying $6 for a bottle of water with three spears of asparagus inside. The water was a “mistake” but the reason the mistake took hold is that it seemed like something people of a certain sensibility might actually sell (and buy).
As it turns out, there are many, many items for sale that asparagus-water aficionados might be interested in spending their hard-earned shiny artisanal pennies on. Below, a curated list. (By the way, I don’t even know what makes a list that’s been curated any different from a regular list, but it sounds fancy and fit for the topic, so I’m going to stick with it.)
This Smartphone Projector
Exclusively from Urban Outfitters comes this $28 decorated corrugated cardboard box that turns your smartphone into a video projector. You know, for those nights Chrome Casting viral Uproxx videos won’t do.
For only $32.90, you’ll get a fancy tin containing mustache wax, trimming scissors, and a tiny, mustache-shaped comb. No more excuses for having an untidy mustache, fellas!
This Retro iPhone Case
I see this as a win-win. The case is only $10 plus change, plus, the thing is so huge, that for people who have a propensity toward dropping their phone at least five times a day it seems smart. Not to mention how awesome throwback it would look to whip that thing out of your back pocket! In retrospect (ha, get it?), this case is actually win-win-win.
These Sundial Watches
Handmade in a jungle shack in Maui, one of these watches will set you back $295. But think of all the money you’ll save not having to get the thing serviced! Not to mention the impending zombie apocalypse…someone’s going to have to keep time, after all.
These Artisanally-Sharpened Pencils
Yes, he actually sharpens your pencils. For $40 a pop, if you live in the U.S. No, this is not a joke (or maybe it is…it’s a little hard to tell…but you do get a product at the end.)
According to David Rees’ website, the once-political cartoonist now “practices the age-old art of manual pencil sharpening,” promising authentic interaction with each pencil he is hired to…wait, this has to be a joke, right?
90% sure it’s a joke…still keeping it in the article. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
This Set of Foodie Dice
For just $24, the age-old question of what to cook for dinner can be answered with a single roll of these beautiful wooden dice. With over 186,000 possible combinations, you’re not likely to get stuck in a food rut any time in the next millennium.
There is one more product out there that belongs on shelves far less than asparagus water, but do we really need to give it any more promotion? Oh, fine.
**NEED A PALATE CLEANSER AFTER THAT? ENJOY THIS VIDEO EXPLAINING THE PROCESS OF WATER MAKERS, THE TIMMY BROTHERS, & SHARE ANY WEIRD PRODUCTS YOU’VE SEEN IN THE COMMENTS**
