We know there are countless ways to have a Merry Christmas, but for our purposes, we’re going to concentrate on doing so by having the best holiday parties ever. And to have a great holiday gathering, your drink game has to be solid. Christmas cocktails are some of the most fun you’ll have all year, but they’re not all are created equally. So, to help you up your game and have Christmas gatherings with the very BEST cocktails, we’ve power-ranked our favorites.
9. Chocolate martini
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Okay, so there is no Christmas cocktail that is bad. Let’s get that out of the way. The Chocolate Martini though is… it’s good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so thick and dessert-ish. And honestly, if I want to eat that much sugar, I’ll eat one of the hundreds of delicious sugar cookies that are circulating everywhere this time of year. If I want to drink chocolate, hot chocolate exists! And if I want to get turnt, I’m certainly not going to do so with a chocolate martini. No one is. It’s a hybrid freak of a drink that should wear a mask and live under the opera singing in sweet, dulcet tones to seduce us. But not be at a Christmas party, you know? There are better options out there.
8. Spiced wine
The only time I want mulled wine is when I’m sitting watch on the wall against the white walkers. I like warm, alcoholic drinks. Really, I do. But warm wine is a last resort. I was at a party recently and I poured spiced warm wine into my glass and immediately regretted it. “Why didn’t I do regular wine or a hot whiskey drink?” I lamented. Of course, I could have poured the drink out and started over, but instead, I chugged it. Every last drop — cleaning it dry as if I were a dishwasher, and then started over with a whiskey. I really showed that spiced wine who’s boss, so…
7. Spiked apple cider
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Mmmmm. Now we’re getting somewhere. Warm, spiked apple cider is a true treasure for everyone. It’s like the apple cider mixed with the hot, freshly baked cinnamon donuts you’d find at an orchard in Michigan. It’s such a good combo. Oh man, I want to curl up in bed and drink this. No. NO. You people asked for power ranking and by God, I’m going to follow through.
6. Baileys and Coffee
My go to when I have a free drink coupon on Southwest, Baileys and Coffee is just a really solid call when you know you need to keep drinking to get through the holidays… but also, probably should stop drinking and perk up a bit. When that’s the combo you need, Baileys and coffee is your lover. Get a room, you two.
5. Eggnog
It’s not that eggnog isn’t delicious! It is. But realistically, how much of this can you really drink? I can get through about 1/3 of a glass of eggnog before I’m dumping it in a plant. “Why do our plants keep dying after every Christmas?” My relatives ask!
“Horrible curse?” I reply before walking away.
I mean, I like milkshakes as much as the next person, but… I just don’t really want one as my cocktail.
4. Grasshopper
Love candy canes and thin mints and GENERAL JOY? Try a Grasshopper. It’s super delicious. Though, I mean, it’s also extremely sweet. It’s a drink that’s probably best for children, except children shouldn’t drink booze. So, really, the main (would be) fans of this are kind of missing out.
3. White Russian
You don’t need to be The Dude from Big Lebowski to know this is a solidly excellent cocktail. It’s smooth, creamy, and feels sweet and wintery without it being like someone found you eating a candy bar and told you to eat the whole box to teach you a lesson. It may be a cold drink consumed during cold months, but it’s absolutely something you want to drink when you’re stuck in a blizzard to warm your soul.
2. Hot Buttered Rum
This is SUCH a good drink. It’s only not number one because it takes some preparation. It’s worth it but it is slightly more complicated to put together. Once you do, though, ahhhh, it’s like Christmas joy in a glass. You know that Jack Handey quote about Pie heaven? It applies to Hot buttered rum. If you get the choice between regular heaven and hot buttered rum heaven, you should always choose hot buttered rum heaven. It might be a trick, but if it’s not, ooooo boy.
1. Hot Toddy
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I mean I guess it’s weird that my top two picks have the word hot in them. Am I some sort of drink pervert? Cocktails: hot hot hot ALL NUDE. Hmm. Anyway:
THERE IS NO BETTER DRINK FOR CHRISTMAS THAN A HOT TODDY. Or actually, for anything. Are you sick? Grab a hot toddy — that lemon, whiskey, honey combo IS LITERAL DELICIOUS MEDICINE. Cold? Grab a hot toddy. Living through a horrible apocalyptic wasteland with no hope left? Hot. Toddy.
This is the perfect Christmas drink to serve at any party. Can you jazz it up? Sure, you can do a hot toddy bar, that’s fun. But served in the classic way, it’s an excellent Christmas drink, and the perfect cocktail for any of your Christmas entertaining needs.
