When I first heard about Pizza Hut’s Nothing But The Stuffed Crust pizza I was a non-believer. You probably are, too. Not because Pizza Hut is trying to sell people the best part of their Stuffed Crust pizza, that actually makes sense. But because of the presentation of the product — a regular pizza-looking pizza crust without any middle. A pizza donut.
I had so many questions when I heard about this curious item. Does it come in a normal-sized pizza box? Is it expensive? What’s the structural integrity? And most of all: Who is it for?!
Clearly, I was skeptical. But you know what? After trying it, I almost love this thing…
As an avid pizza eater I take pretty big offense to the notion that any part of a pizza, a product of unrivaled culinary perfection, is disposable. But Pizza Hut’s regular Stuffed Crust Pizza challenges my stance. On the one hand, the idea of cheese stuffed in pizza crust is genius. For someone who has absolutely no problem tolerating lactose and also loves mozzarella cheese, it’s a dream come true. On the other hand, it’s missing the classic Pizza Hut fried crispy pan-style crust for some ridiculous reason, which always leaves me tempted to let the actual pie fall by the wayside.
If only there was a way to have the Stuffed Crust without the actual pizza attached…
Well, now there is. And even though eating it made me — a person who covered insane Popeyes chicken sandwich rollout — feel like I’d finally reached peak fast food absurdity, I think this can actually work as a deliciously dip-able side dish.
But not in this form…
Everything Wrong With Nothing But The Stuffed Crust
For starters, the name. Nothing But The Stuffed Crust is an awkward mouthful to say. But not nearly as awkward as the shape. When my Nothing But The Stuffed Crust — which I’ll now abbreviate as NBTSC before I go insane — arrived, I was surprised to find that it actually came in a full-pizza-sized box. This is a stunning waste of cardboard. Why would they do this? I get the gimmick of having it be circular but have some class, Pizza Hut. Cut it up and put it in a reasonably sized box for god’s sake.
There’s ignoring global warming and then there’s just rubbing people’s noses in your stance.
There’s also something dark and ominous about opening a normal pizza-sized box and finding only crust. It’s like catching a glitch and realizing you’re not living in the real world. Instead, you’re living in some weird and dark simulation built by corporate fast-food overlords. In other words, if weed makes you paranoid, don’t eat this while stoned — you’ll probably have a mental breakdown.
Everything Right With Nothing But The Stuffed Crust
Did we mention that this is crust stuffed with Mozzarella cheese? It shouldn’t be hard to understand that such a thing is delicious.
No one is suggesting that you replace pizza with only crust. But as a side item, this is a great way to indulge and eat even more cheese and bread. I enjoyed heating it to molten hot-levels for ultimate mozzarella stretchability, then dipping it in my own homemade blend of tomato sauce, Italian herbs, pepper flakes, and garlic powder. Pizza Hut also has its own variety of sauces with the same end goal in mind.
We’d like to call this genius but so much about it just makes us angry. Pizza Hut, leave the gimmick behind, find a better way to present this, put it on your menu, and people will buy it. We. Will. Buy. It. And bring it to every future Super Bowl party or fast food office potluck we’re able to attend in the (hopefully not so distant) future.
But in this ultra wasteful form? It just makes us feel disgusted for wanting to eat cheese stuffed in bread. And society already does a good enough job at making us feel that.
Pizza Hut, to their credit, seems to get that this isn’t a viable item in the long-term. The Just The Stuffed Crust is available for a limited time as a free add-on with any $10 purchase for the first 50 orders each day at select Pizza Hut locations until January 7th.