Ocean’s 8 earned $41.5 million during the film’s opening weekend, which is more than the previous Ocean’s movies, Ocean’s Eleven, Ocean’s Twelve, and Ocean’s Thirteen. (Ocean’s One is just Carl Reiner waiting for everyone to be born.) This is excellent news for fans of heists, which includes literally everyone at Uproxx. Not committing an actual heist, of course (wink wink), but reading about them, especially if they involve lobsters, hurricanes, or Iron Man’s suit. But if we were going to rob, let’s say, the Met Gala, we would need a crack team to accomplish the task at hand. The Ocean’s 8 crew — Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Awkwafina, Rihanna, and Helena Bonham Carter (but not you, James Corden) — have the experience, but who would be the BEST heist partner? Let’s find out!
8. Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter doesn’t do “subtle.” Her characters, whether Bellatrix Lestrange from the Harry Potter movies, Madame Thénardier from Les Misérables, or the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland, are cocksure and loud — there’s an entire article that praises her “masterful yelling technique.” I suppose you could make the argument that Bonham Carter’s admirably flamboyant way of living would make her a good diversion, but everything would go to heck when the Met Gala is evacuated after a live bird flies out of her hair.
7. Sarah Paulson
Sarah Paulson isn’t here to plan a heist.
She’s here to catch the people behind them (besides, even if she wanted to get involved, her disguises are not exactly The Americans-level strong).
6. Mindy Kaling
In 2014, Mindy Kaling gave the commencement speech at Harvard Law School. In her remarks, The Office star revealed that she’s “obsessed with justice. Actually, in my mind, law is that pesky thing that often gets in the way of justice. I believe in the Clint Eastwood School of the Law. An eye for an eye? I don’t think so. That solves nothing. You take my eye, I take your life, my friend, in a duel, Aaron Burr-style. I don’t want your stupid eye, for what? My eye collection? You’re dead.” Kaling is too much of a wild card for a skillful heist.