05.03.07 11 years ago 16 Comments

Former Chiefs running back Christian Okoye — the "African Bad Dream" — will participate in the CBS summer reality show "Pirate Master," produced by evil genius Mark Burnett.

[The show] stars "16 people who all agree that had they been born 250 years ago, they would have liked to be pirates," as Burnett tells TV Guide from the Pirate Master set on the Caribbean island of Dominica. Contestants will live on a 179-foot-square rigger for 33 days while they search for buried treasure totaling $1 million…

The wannabe brigands dress in period costumes, eat such yummy authentic food as gruel — the officers get better rations — and are ruled over by an elected captain who assigns roles to the crew members and can be overthrown if he doesn't treat his crew well. Mutiny, anyone? Each week at "Pirate's Court" — which are, according to Burnett, modeled after actual tribunals — a player is cast off the ship and set adrift on a raft. "If you can't run with the crew, if you can't swim or row or navigate, you're a liability."

Okoye is merely the most recognizable of a crew that has people from all walks of life.  There will also be a glass blower, a "scientist/Chippendales dancer" (um…), and a smokejumper.  I'm sorry, but smokejumper isn't a job.  It's just two nouns smushed together, like pantsmaster or cockgobbler.  I don't buy it.  And one woman has the occupation of "ex-military."  Yeah, I was "ex-military" for nine months. It's called "being unemployed."

Proper respects: the FanHaus 

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