11.08.07 10 years ago 90 Comments

Broncos kicker Jason Elam and his pastor have teamed up to write Monday Night Jihad.  No, it's not a TV show — although I'd watch it as long as Kornheiser wasn't providing commentary — it's a novel.  Specifically, a pro-football-themed spy thriller about fighting terrorists.  It's sure to be…

…A story that combines all the action of a first-rate spy thriller with the intrigue of professional sports. After a tour of duty in Afghanistan, Riley Covington is living his dream as a professional linebacker when he comes face-to-face with a radical terrorist group on his own home turf. Drawn into the nightmare around him, Riley returns to his former life as a member of a special ops team that crosses oceans in an attempt to stop the source of the escalating attacks.

But time is running out, and it soon becomes apparent that the terrorists are on the verge of achieving their goal: to strike at the very heart of America.

Oh yes, this is all very real.  There's plenty more of the crazy here (including a book excerpt), but I don't think I can top Arrowhead Pride's pitch-perfect take on Elam:

He's like Dan Brown and Kirk Cameron had a love child and it was raised by Howie Long with nothing but choose your own adventure books. In a sense he's equating the NFL to the Knights Templar.

Meanwhile, a true story about combat NOT co-written by a pastor is presently sitting on my hard drive, and it's been rejected by ten publishers.  That's not a joke, but it certainly is funny.  I guess mine needed more linebackers.

[Also see: I Dislike Your Favorite Team; 100% Injury Rate

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