NL All-Stars Look To Stop Sucking

Senior Writer
07.13.10 6 Comments

According to many people in the sports media and mostly Boston Red Sox fans, David “Big Papi” Ortiz is “back!” after having won last night’s 2010 MLB Home Run Derby. Ortiz hit 32 total home runs, but it was his impressive 11 in the final round against Hanley Ramirez’s dinky 5 that made Boston’s slugger the event’s champion. This, of course, is great news for the Red Sox offense, because Home Run Derby champions notoriously smack the tits off the ball in the second half of the season because opposing pitchers keep throwing batting practice pitches against them.

Dismissive wanking aside, there’s a metaphor wrapped inside of an analogy with Ortiz’s clobbering of Ramirez, and that is the American League’s complete dominance of the National League. The Senior Circuit has lost 12 of the last 13 All-Star Games to the AL, with that unlucky number 13 being the infamous Bud Selig tie game that has since led to the All-Star Game counting for home field advantage in the World Series. Don’t worry, Selig’s getting a statue in Milwaukee for his efforts.

Watch Big Papi talk about socking some dingers after the jump.

The last four Midsummer Classic matchups have been decided by one run, and the NL hasn’t had an All-Star MVP since Mike Piazza led them to a 6-0 win in 1996. Tampa Bay’s David Price will take the mound for the AL tonight and will face off against Colorado Rockies ace Ubaldo Jimenez as the NL looks to get its collective man card back.

Elsewhere, the league will without a doubt pay immediate tribute to George Steinbrenner, who passed away this morning if you’ve just finished nursing your nickel beer hangovers, as well as former Yankees announcer Bob Sheppard, whose voice will be used to introduce Derek Jeter for his 11th All-Star appearance.

A bunch of other stuff has been going on and you can check the details of that at I’ll also be checked into the All-Star Game tonight via FanVibe and you can make fun of me for picking the NL to win.

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