The Minnesota Twins' Scott Baker almost threw a perfect game last night:
[W]ith a Metrodome crowd of 24,986 cheering, he went to a 3-0 count leading off on John Buck. Buck took a strike before the next pitch went inside and plate umpire Jim Wolf called ball four. "I thought the first one was borderline," Baker said. "But the umpire did a fantastic job . . . All I can say is when you have a child or something of that nature, it just puts things in perspective."
Travis Henry agrees – it lends the perspective that perfect games are a mundane, everyday occurrence just like fathering a child. But wait, doesn't John Buck play for the Kansas City Royals? I could have thrown a perfect game against them last night, and I was bloated with 2 cans of whipped cream and half a fifth of whiskey. Bachelor parties are fun.
In other MLB news, the Cardinals acquired Russell Branyan and his 199 K's per 500 ABs from the Phillies for the playoff push. Smart thinking. And the Chicago Cubs picked up Steve Trachsel, which is just fucking great. This move means that the Cubs' NL Central championship will be longer and more excruciating to witness, especially every 5th day. Of course, if they are passed by the Brewers or St. Louis, it will prolong North Side fans' agony. Either way, watching college football will be slightly more exciting than seeing Trachs deliver the ball every 52 seconds. -KD