Well, that certainly happened! Yup, it really did, all of it. I know because I watched it, all of it, from beginning to end, for you. The 2019 Golden Globes were… something that happened. Awards were handed out to… people. Were they the right people? Probably not! I don’t know! What a night.
Anyway, before we get to the winners and losers from the ceremony, let’s all remember the two most important things about awards season:
- Awards season is all very silly but, if we insist on doing it, we should at least try to give the awards to deserving winners
- The Golden Globes are insane
Okay, here we go.
WINNER — Jeff Bridges
Jeff Bridges won the Cecil B. DeMille Award for career achievement. This is an important thing to mention because it was deserved and Jeff Bridges rules. It is also important to mention because he was announced as the recipient well before the show started, which makes his delightful rambling “let’s all be boats, man” acceptance speech fascinating on a number of levels. I’ve been thinking about it all night and I see three possibilities.
Possibility number one: That whole thing was scripted and Jeff Bridges is such an incredible actor that he made everyone think he was just up there freeform associating about how to steer large floating vessels in the open sea.
Possibility number two: His people told him he won the award and should write a speech to deliver to millions of people on live television in a tuxedo and Jeff Bridges was just like “Nah, I got this. I’ll figure out it out” and then his mind just naturally drifted to boat rudders about halfway through and he rolled with it.
Possibility number three: Jeff Bridges straight-up forgot he was getting the award.
The best part: All of these options are iconic. Jeff Bridges is the greatest. I wish I could buy an entire album of him just reading and rambling to me as I drift off to sleep OH WAIT I CAN.
Folks, I am pleased to report that I downloaded this last night after the Golden Globes and there is a full two minutes of Jeff Bridges humming. Just humming. We must protect him.
LOSER — You, Probably
I hear you out there. You’re saying, “Hang on, Brian. Why did you lead this recap with the Jeff Bridges thing? I want to talk about how The Kominsky Method won a bunch of comedy awards over The Good Place and how Green Book won a bunch of awards over more deserving movies and how freaking Bohemian Rhapsody won Best Drama, for the love of God. When do we talk about that? I’m angry. This injustice cannot stand!”
A fair point. My answer would be as follows: The Golden Globes are crazy and have always been crazy — remember when Mozart in the Jungle won Best TV Comedy a few years ago? — and again, award shows are mostly silly, in general. I would urge you to focus less on the winners and losers and more on the show itself. Carol Burnett was there! Emma Stone shouted “I’m sorry!” from the crowd when the topic of her role in Aloha came up! Rachel Weisz said the phrase “tongue-lashing” in a way that will probably result in a dozen FCC complaints. Enjoy the ride, I guess.
But, yeah. These animals didn’t even nominate Paddington 2 for Best Animated Movie. What did you expect?
WINNER — Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg
The key to “winning” as a host in 2019 is basically just not losing. It’s a weird time. People are waiting to jump on anything and bury you for it, whether it’s an off-color joke or a bungled pronunciation or just a bad comedy bit. Samberg and Oh were — are, really — super charming and fun and they kept things light and breezy. I don’t think they’ll go down as legendary hosts like the Fey/Poehler duo that carried the ceremony for a few years, but they goofed around and avoided the obvious booby traps and kept cutting to Sandra Oh’s parents, who seem cool as heck. Solid B+, which is all anyone can ask for right now, especially considering the Oscars are in a few weeks and still don’t have a host.