What’s the deal with grocery store self-checkout machines, am I right? A so-called “convenience” that’s supposed to make our lives easier, it seems like a rare occasion to use one free of incident. What’s the point of having a machine if you have to have an actual human come over to fix it when something inevitably goes wrong? And don’t even get me started about trying to use your own bag. Doesn’t it just make you so mad that you could literally just poop on them?
Incredibly, that does not seem to have been the motivation of an Ohio man, 23-year-old Colin Murphy, who was arrested for public indecency and disorderly conduct over the weekend for defecating on a Kroger self-checkout scanner, for reasons known only to him. Although it sounds like his real crime may have just been having a bit too much fun over the holiday weekend:
According to criminal complaints, Murphy entered the Kroger and “stripped naked in front of” a male employee. The suspect, police noted, smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech, and staggered as he walked.
After disrobing, Murphy “defecated on U-Scan it,” investigators allege.
A judge set Murphy’s bail at $2,000 on Monday. As punishment, he’s banned from returning to that particular Kroger supermarket. It’s with any hope that in the future, he’ll stick to the “10 items or less” lines.
(Via The Smoking Gun)