Haunted houses are often scarier than horror movies because it’s difficult to suspend belief when confronted with chainsaw-wielding thrill seekers in real life. Grown men are known to lose their minds and turn into weeping little boys when confronted with scary clowns, and employees often bear the physical brunt of the resulting terror.
One of the darkest corners of the internet, Reddit, just happens to be teeming with people who have worked as seasonal haunted house employees. Bartenders and strip club employees have seen some sh*t, but haunted house employees observe customers at their most primal. They were all to eager to discuss the most insane things they’ve ever seen, and these are their tales:
Pinkseaglass gets the ball rolling with bodily-function madness:
“One of the guys in charge would dress as Jason. Huge dude, really tall, and really into the character. He’d silently sneak up on people all the time and loom over them. Years ago, this one girl turned to look at him, and while all her friends ran screaming, she went white, paused a moment, and then puked. Stared for another second, and then went running.”
Ctrm5336 reveals the risks of bodily injury in this line of work:
“It was really easy to hide in a corner and then sneak up behind them and do something. This one large guy was really scared. He was about halfway through the room and had no idea I was there. I sneaked up behind him, got just a couple inches away from him, and whispered ‘run.’ He screamed, whipped around, and elbowed me straight in the face. Broke my nose.”
Googunk tells the scariest tale that may have ruined a marriage:
“Husband, wife, and their 8-year old daughter are leaving the haunted house. Big bro turns on the chainsaw in one pull and revs it hard over his head. The dad grabs his daughter, throws her to the side causing her to trip over the mom, and then he sprints straight out the door, leaving his wife and child to fend for themselves. The wife is completely despondent as the weight of the situation occurs to her … The scariest thing you can see on Halloween: a woman who just found out the father of their child will instinctively sacrifice both of them and run from danger.”
LadyMackers went from serving a religious extremist to discovering a man’s fetish the next moment:
“This one woman tried to exorcise me … I charged a young man, screaming and brandishing a bloody knife. He hit the pavement in the fetal position and goes, ‘Oh my god…That was the hottest thing that ever happened to me!'”
WaspFilledShirts may take the thread prize with a nipple-twisting tale:
“The other night we had a couple come in and they were obviously drunk. This couple was so scared the woman took off her shoe and started to beat the victim with it. The husband grabbed chainsaw guys nipple and twisted it while screaming as loud as possible. The same woman proceeded to just squat and pee in the clown scene.”
The key to Cyberstrike‘s tale lies in the last sentence:
“There was one woman in particular that was…no nice way to put it. She was a whale of a human being. This lady flies backward, nearly taking out the wall, then proceeds to the mattresses. I follow her, of course, and she falls down. I sh*t you not, rather than try to stand up, she rolls out of the room like you would down a hill, screaming like a banshee the whole time.”
Wolfxskull took the “scared sh*tless” act too far with one customer:
“I’m a psycho clown who wields a chainsaw and I jump out and chase people out the door at the end of the haunted house. I scared a group of guys and I’m pretty sure one sh*t himself, my whole room reeked of pure unadulterated a**hole for far too long to have been a fart.”
Ward12_ spotted one lady who felt the haunted house curse was real:
“I was on a hayride once where a guy with a chain saw jumped on the wagon and scared a large black woman so badly that she whipped her purse at him and knocked him over the side of the railing while screaming about the devil. Best sh*t I’d seen in a while.”
Icontinentiabutts unwittingly helped get a teen in trouble with mom:
“I was dressed as Bigfoot and my job was to jump out of the bushes onto the back of the cart and roar at people. In between cart loads of people I would smoke joints. One time I jumped up on the cart and this teenager goes ‘wow he smells like straight up weed.’ Her mom shot her a look and said ‘how do you know what that smells like. The mum then proceeded to glare at the daughter
Once again, a common answer in this thread comes from magICTIckeT:
“Some drunk or a kid will sh*t themselves. Every year without fail for the past 4 years.”
(Via Reddit)
