Snickers Will Give Away A Million Candy Bars — All We Have To Do Is Change The Date Of Halloween Forever

The people over at Snickers were feeling bored over the weekend and they decided, “Hey, let’s get weird.” So the brand started pushing a Change.org petition originally stated by the Halloween & Costume Association to change the date of Halloween to the last Saturday of October. If the United States Government gets it done, Snickers will give out one million free candy bars in celebration. I for one, hate those x day of x week in x month holidays — give me a hard date, that’s how I know you’re serious.

I mean if fried chicken wings get a day, spooky activity deserves its own day too! Thanksgiving is the only floating holiday I stan for because we all need that Friday to recoup.

The original petition’s aim is for an all-day celebration that will create a safer environment for children and in turn become more stress-free for parents, citing some statistics that sound a whole lot like classic bad-parenting. Apparently, 82% of parents don’t use high visibility aids on their children’s costumes, and 65% of parents don’t discuss Halloween safety with their children. Get on that parents, what the hell are you doing?

Still, Halloween IS the favorite holiday of the youth — and while it seems we’d really dig on Halloween being a weekend thing, we’ve had no problem getting around this problem before. That’s why we created the unofficial holiday that is Halloween weekend, which is sometimes even in November. We simply don’t need a reason to dress up in costumes and party — hell, we’d do it in the summer if it wasn’t so damn hot.

Still, about these Snickers, we gotta say: we’re intrigued. According to Thrillist, Snicker’s brand director Josh Olken was enthusiastic about the idea, stating in a press release “Snickers is all in on celebrating Halloween to the fullest… if the federal government makes this thing official, we’re offering up to one million free Snickers to America. No tricks, only treats.”

I’m dubious. Generally when someone says, “No tricks” it makes me think they’re trying to get me to think they aren’t trying to trick me. Which makes skeptics like me extra wary. Apparently, the candy lobby has a history of getting themselves involved in messing with Halloween. According to Business Insider, in the 1980s candy retailers lobbied Congress pretty hard in order for them to extend daylight savings time into November so that kids could have an extra hour to trick-or-treat, which would in-turn equal more sales for the greedy candy companies.

Business Insider reports that the candy retailers went so far as to ominously leave candy pumpkins on the seat of every senator, which honestly sounds like the type of threat a candy retailer would leave. To be fair, the National Confectioners Association has denied these claims, but I don’t know — the candy lobby did eventually get their way thanks to the Energy Policy act, which went into effect in 2007 and was signed by President Bush. The same President who almost choked on a NON-CANDY pretzel.

Luckily for Halloween traditionalists, change rarely happens via Change.org petition. Though if it does work, we’ll gladly take our free Snickers.