Sometimes, when I’m having a particularly bad day, I think of Maureen Dowd. I don’t think of her Pulitzer, though, or the fascinating interviews she conducts. I don’t even think about the fact that, atop her many other accomplishments, she was named Glamour’s Woman of The Year in the late ‘90s. She didn’t need that distinction — her house is already groaning under the weight of the plaques and statuettes that validate her prowess — but she got it anyway.
No, the Maureen Dowd I think of is the one laying in a Colorado hotel room, stoned out of her mind on a marijuana-infused candy bar and trying to hold it together even though she’s certain that death (death!) is just a few moments away. That image never fails to make me feel a little bit better. And it’s one that has also helped me through at least three panic attacks I’ve had after accidentally eating too much of a $7 brownie, if you know what I mean.
It’s true: Marijuana edibles can get you too high. And there are many people — Maureen Dowd included — who have sworn them off because they’re too unpredictable and, often, too potent. But they’re also effective, non-smelly, and, with the marijuana industry blossoming into a beautiful purple bush, the dosing’s becoming more standardized. More importantly, the treats you can buy at your local dispensary are becoming not just edible but actually delicious.
So let’s take a tour of some of the most delightful weed-infused offerings you can partake in on 4/20 (and beyond). Just remember two things: Check the label for THC content and slow. the. hell. down. No, really: since the biggest problem with edibles is that one second you’re not feeling them and the next you’ve melted out of your skin and are halfway to Uranus (you’d find that joke hilarious if you were high RN) you’ve got to remember to pace yourself or risk Dowding out.
Let’s start with the brownie.
If you know anything about edibles, you know that the most revered item on any true edible connoisseur’s list of favorites is the good old-fashioned chocolate brownie. It used to be that that was the only way to eat marijuana and still have it taste good (not so, anymore!). Sure you can get your fix via gummies and lollipops now, but making a weed brownie is still a time-honored 4/20 tradition. Check out Leafly’s brownie brackets here — yep, even Mario Batali’s much-maligned creation is put to the test — and then try The Cannabist’s Triple Chocolate confection, which is so “next level” it even beat out the brownie recipe conceived by the mother of Leafly’s editor.
If you’re feeling really adventurous — and have a high tolerance — you could also try a Korova brownie. Korova products come in all varieties (blondies, mint, gluten-free peanut butter!) and are guaranteed to blast you into the stratosphere. No, really, eat a little and see how you feel. I smoke weed every day and a few bites have me hearing colors and tasting sounds about 45 minutes later. Once, on vacation, I stood in the same place for 15 minutes and just giggled. Pretty good time!
Don’t wait until you’re high to carbo-load; carbo-load to hit the solar system!
You know that feeling you get about halfway through your high when you feel like you could eat the entire world or at least die trying? It’s when you forget that you’re on a diet, that it’s 3am, and that you should really be asleep right now and start looking through all your delivery apps instead. And what sounds the best (and is the only thing open)? Your favorite pizza place. Hell yeah! Bring on those sweet sweet carbs.