The Scoreboard: Justin Timberlake’s Parody Tracklist Is Real And Drake Knows So Little About Teeth

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The Scoreboard is Uproxx Music’s bi-monthly look at who is putting points on the board and who is taking major L’s in the music world over the past couple weeks.

Music really affects me: It makes me smile, cry, and realize I’m in bad shape because I got winded after dancing to Ginuwine’s “Pony” in the kitchen a few days ago. It’s a real mixed bag, and sometimes, things happen in music that aren’t that all good. They need to be addressed too, along with all the praise we normally dish out. So, let’s look back at the highs and lows of the music world over the previous two weeks, via DJ Khaled’s new health goals, homogeneous music festivals, and Drake’s mistreated teeth.

Win: Caring about your health

Most of us gave up our newfound passion for the gym, kale, and moving our bodies at all a few days into 2018 — I personally shut down most physical activity in the winter because it’s too cold to run outside in Maine this time of year and using a treadmill makes me feel like a genetic experiment. However, some big-time players probably think I should take better care of myself all the time. DJ Khaled has teamed up with Weight Watchers to be his best self in 2018, Swizz Beats says I shouldn’t put off getting a colonoscopy, and I ought learn from Eric Clapton’s mistakes and wear earplugs to concerts and other loud places (which I have started doing over the past year or so, for the record). I don’t get to stay on this flat Earth forever, so I’ll do what I can to stick around for a while.

Loss: Boring festival lineups

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Music festivals are facing a big and statistically proven problem: The lineups are getting so boring. Eminem is headlining just about every fest in 2018, and overall, there’s not a ton of diversity between festivals, which makes each a bit less special and robs them of any identity. People are catching onto this, too: Louis Tomlinson wants to know where all the bands are, Halsey wants to know where all the women are, and Uproxx’s Philip Cosores wants to know if this all means that the festival bubble is about to burst (Spoiler: definitely maybe).

Win: Brutal honesty

Is it a coincidence that singing competition shows got a lot less fun when Simon Cowell left American Idol? Good singers are fun to listen to, sure, but if the show is all happiness and warm feelings not being undercut by savage criticisms and difficult truths, where’s the drama? Thankfully, Diddy is filling this Cowell-sized hole on The Four, and he established himself as the resident Jenna Maroney on America’s Kidz Got Singing from the very first episode, when he made a singer cry and responded to getting booed by telling the audience, “You’re all liars.”