Those of you who’ve given up on eating a balanced breakfast may not know this, but today is National Cereal Day. It’s your chance to abandon all other breakfasts (f*ck toast!) and celebrate the heaping bowls of sweet, sugary goodness that were supposed to make us grow big and strong.
In honor of this magical holiday—I’m already stuffing my face full of Cooooookie Crisp as I type this—Ranker has conducted a survey of over 88,000 people to determine which cereal rules them all. After voting was over, Frosted Flakes, the Stefan Urquelle of cereals, had somehow found itself at the top, lording its boring brand of food-dandruff over real winners like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Waffle Crisp. In the immortal words of a very wise person I know: this isn’t cool, it isn’t dope, and it isn’t chill. And no one is standing for it. Especially not on a day as important as this one.
Please accept this REAL AND OFFICIAL cereal ranking as the definitive list of cereals you truly must celebrate today. The criteria? Taste and special magic. The order? Not up for discussion. (Particularly the exclusion of Apple Jacks. They didn’t taste like apples, they made no sense, and they were a complete and utter disappointment. Don’t believe the hype.)